Shining Moments in Customer Servicing

For more than a decade I have been in some form of customer service and believe me when I say I have seen it all: screaming, crying, sexual seductions, cursing, and freshly baked cookies. What helps us fellow CSR's (Customer Service Reps) make it through the day is the highlight reel in customer stupidity. It humbles us and reminds us how underpaid, under appreciated, and well on our way to anti-depressants we are.

Santa Land
The official policy is that ANYONE can visit Santa during normal business hours as many times as they want. We never pressure or push a sale because there are countless reasons why people can't/won't/don't buy our photos. Having said this there are parents who accuse us of ruining Christmas when we won't let them take their own photos of their child on Santa's lap. As my boss so deftly pointed out "This is a business. Santa and the helpers are on payroll regardless of how many products we sell. The display has an annual copyright fee. And the space we set-up in is rented from the mall." If we let every parent take their own photo, why would anyone be inclined to purchase one? How would Santa Land stay in business? That's like going into a restaurant and asking to use the equipment to cook your own meal. Who does that?

Major Health Insurance Company Call Center
Health Insurance is a high regulated industry with contracts, forms, and procedures. Not following guidelines could result in major penalties, fines, or lawsuits. There are two types of major complaints we receive:

Health Care Providers "You mean to tell me you didn't approve my authorization request because I filled out the form inaccurately, faxed it to the wrong department, and missed the deadline? Why didn't anyone call me personally to let me know I made these mistakes? How can I eb expected to keep track of these things. Now my patient is going to suffer because of your unwillingness to be flexible" (This was an actual conversation. Kind of scary this person has a medical degree)

Policy Holders "How was I supposed to know I had to verify my benefits before using them? What's the point of having health insurance if you won't pay for the things I want? This is a giant conspiracy to keep me sick so I keel over and die." (Not true, a loss of a customer would be a loss in premium which would mean a loss in profit. We want our customers alive and well, just not using as much of their benefits...)

A Bank in South Carolina
Not everybody is in the habit of balancing their check book and I understand how it can get easy to over do it when you rely on a debit card. Thankfully I keep track of my personal account with online banking and a nifty overdraft account. But sometimes it gets scary at the depths of stupidity in people thus making me want to restrict their banking privileges altogether. Here are some of my favorites:

"If I still have checks in my checkbook shouldn't I still have money in my account?"

"It counts when I use my debit card?"

"Someone named ODC keeps hacking into my account and charging me fees"
That's an Over Draft Charge Sir.
"Oh. Well why did I get that?"
Because you overdrew your account.
"Well how did that happen?"

Hope this at least put a smile on your face. I think there should be an academy award type ceremony for the insipid customers and the folks stuck into serving them.