Nothing worth having comes easy, at least not for me

** Disclaimer: This post is about "women things"**

I have always had problems with my cycle; either not coming or coming too often. For the last four and a half months it didn't come at all. The doctor confirmed I was NOT pregnant, so she gave me a medicine to induce me. This medicine made me physically sick. Four periods jammed into one does not make my body happy, but it had to be done. This is why I can't get pregnant on my own because even when I do get my period my body doesn't release eggs.

Today was day one of taking the fertility drug that will hopefully get me pregnant and I spent most of the day doubled over in pain. I was groaning. I was crying. I was physically shaking. When I tried to sleep it off I had nightmares about taking caring of other people's babies, but never having one of my own. (This is a nightmare for someone trying to conceive)

My body had always been some sort of medical anomaly. I have medical conditions no one can diagnose therefore not properly treat. My test results always come back negative/normal even when something is clearly wrong with me (vomiting green). And when it comes to medicine I either have a strong reaction that only occurs in 1% of the population or no reaction at all.

I am going to look at the positive. Maybe my body is reacting so strongly to this medicine and this means it'll work. I need this to work. We've been trying for two years now with no success while at least five people around me were blessed with "oopsies". So I will grind my teeth, hold back the tears, and practice my deep breathing if it means I can end up with a baby in the end.