Friends Vs Family

In 2007 I made the choice to leave my family in South Carolina and return to NY for round two. NY and I didn't work out previously, but it had been a few years and we had both grown a bit, so I thought "why not?"

Let me preface this by saying that my family is very tight. Hugs, kisses, "I love you" all the way. We celebrate everything together: birthdays, promotions, anniversaries, random Tuesdays. It is rare that I go more than a day or two without talking to my parents. And I consider my parents and older brother not only family, but friends as well. I know not every family is like this.

When I first moved back to NY my husband stayed behind in SC awaiting the sale of our house. Antonio and I reasoned it didn't make sense to pay a hefty mortgage while no one lived there. His parents offered to let me stay with them until we found a place of our own in NY. It would be a while since we couldn't purchase a new home until our current home sold. His parents are some of the most generous people I know.

His siblings are different. Different isn't necessarily bad, just something I had to get used to. During the months I was back in NY without Antonio I reached out to them as I would have my own family. I was depressed about my new job, not having a place of my own, and being without some of the most important people in my life. They didn't return my phone calls. Most of the time I left messages, but when I did get through to them I was rushed off the phone because it was a bad time. They said they'd call back. They didn't. This was my new family so I continued with my efforts. I asked to babysit their kids or if they wanted to do some social outing with me. Didn't happen though. My feelings were hurt, tears were shed, and my poor husband got stuck in the middle on countless occasions.

I had some severe health problems that resulted in a few hospitalizations. No visits, phone calls, cards, flowers. They were busy. When a friend had a social gathering the same day as a family event I always chose the family event. July 4th 2008 Antonio's mom, dad, brother, sister, spouses, and kids posed for a family portrait in the back yard without me. That was the last straw.

I can't make them something they are not. I made the choice to leave my own family behind and have to live with it now. I have a solid job, a beautiful home, and a better future in NY then I ever had in SC. I will never be 100% a part of that family no matter how hard I try and I need to be okay with that. They are not bad people by any means, just different from what I am used to. I am sure they love me in their own way.