Ready or Not?

About two years ago I signed up to be a mentor to a local "At Risk" youth. Through various health problems and personal issues I discovered I wasn't able to give myself fully to my match, so I told her I needed a break to get my life in order. I felt so guilty as if I was abandoning her even though my friends assured me that unless I took care of myself first I would be of no use to her or anyone else for that matter.

I miss her. I do. She was my movie buddy. I looove going to the movies and that was what we did most of the time. Part of the problem was the expense of taking her out every week; food and an activity. I tried to budget for it, yet I struggled. I tried to bring DVD's (I have a massive personal collection) and food to her apartment but she preferred to go out.

She told me she was going to find another mentor because she didn't want to wait around for me. It hurt, but I told her I supported her decision. Just like I had to do what was best for me I understood she had to do what was best for her. I didn't think it was fair to either of us to put a time constraint on when I'd be back in the game because I honestly didn't know when that will be.

Last Thursday she texted me asking if I was doing any better and could we hang again. She changed her mind about finding another match and only wants me. I am torn because I miss her, it's been nearly four months now, but I don't want to jump back in before I'm ready. That wouldn't be fair to either of us. If it makes a difference to anyone she's fourteen years old, a good kid, but came from a difficult home life.

I feel like a selfish jerk. Deep down I know I'm not, but I can't help the way I feel.