The Apology Contradiction

Apologies Are Hard. If you are the one apologizing it can be difficult to swallow your pride and admit you were wrong. There's always the risk that you end up looking like a complete fool especially if that other person chooses not to forgive you. If you are the one being apologized to sometimes there's an issue of a broken trust and whether or not it can be repaired.

Apologies Are Easy. At the end of the day they are just two simple words that some people think have the magical power to erase the hurt, grief, and embarrassment they caused someone else. Sometimes it's easier to just forgive, sweep the troubles underneath the rug, and move on without actually dealing with the issue head on.


January 21st I blogged about someone I considered a friend who abruptly and cruelly ended our friendship. To summarize she told me she no longer wanted to associate with me via text message and then publicly posted very hurtful things about me on Facebook. When I tried to reach out to her she refused my phone calls.

January 30th this same person sent me an email apologizing. She explained that I had in fact done NOTHING wrong. The reason she did what she did was a defense mechanism to push me away by hurting me to keep me from eventually hurting her. Now she wants to repair our friendship.

Here's the thing. I completely understand the concept of being afraid to let people get close to you. I also understand the fear/paranoia of getting hurt based on how people have hurt you in the past. And I can even understand pushing someone away because of these things. What I don't understand is lashing out at someone for those reasons. Can someone please explain this one to me?

Unfortunately I have had countless people in my life hurt me, the vast majority of which have never apologized. To be honest in some cases an apology wouldn't be appropriate for the things that were done. However I guess this crazy little thing called growing up has forced me recently to let go of the past, stop holding useless grudges especially against unimportant people, and no longer harbor the hate/pain in my heart.

I chose to forgive this person, but I will NOT forget what she did. I don't know if the trust will ever be repaired, but I also know I am tired of having "bad blood" with people. I explained we can be friendly at work, but nothing outside of work. The problem is she's trying to pick up right where we left off before the fall out. It's not the same between us and probably won't ever be the same. This is a classic example of "I'm sorry" fixes everything when it clearly doesn't.

It's time to focus on the positive because EVERY negative situation has some positive in it. In this case my ability to forgive isn't a weakness rather it is a strength. As my dad would put it I am evolving.