Revelations

Today's blog will be short and sweet because I am once again not feeling so great.

No one of us is 100% innocent all the time. It was easy for me to play the blame game most of my life over the various misfortunes I experienced, but the truth is I played a role even if it was minor in every single one. The minute I stopped asking "Why me?" and started asking "What can I do about it?" I took back the power over a previously viewed powerless situation.

I chose to have certain toxic people in my life and I chose to keep some of them around long after I knew what they were really about. There is no shortage of quality people out there, some of whom I am already fortunate to have in my life, so why hold on to those that only bring me down? This is why I began removing them from my life over the last year or so. This is also why even when some of them wanted to rekindle what we once had I decided I didn't want to go there again.

I chose to make a mess of my finances. I am a grown woman who acted like a child with her credit card for far too long. And as much fun as it may have been at the time, repairing the damage I caused is far harder then I thought it would be. It's a lesson I learned the hard way and won't soon forget either.

I chose to treat myself horribly for the vast majority of my life. I constantly sought validation, love, and acceptance in others who more often than not didn't give it to me. Sadly I have health conditions because of the poor decisions I made that cannot be undone, only treated in order to not get worse. Now I know I am worth so much more than I allowed myself to previously believe and I try to live every day to love myself in the best possible way I can.

I chose to accept that I am a flawed person, but it is these very flaws that help make me who I am and I choose not to let these flaws define me. The right people will see me beyond them and love me despite them, maybe even because of them.