115 N Holmes St: Valentines Day

***Mike's perspective***


I live in a house with three women, none of which I am dating or sleeping with and I have this nagging feeling that I am supposed to do something for Valentine's Day. Not that I would ever hook up with any of them, Maggie is far too old and like a mother to me while the other two are attractive but I prefer NOT to shit where I eat. Never in my life have I done anything for this stupid day unless you count the days when I was in elementary school and the teacher made you do some lame arts and crafts project for your mom. But I'd like to point out that was my mom and there was obvious no romance behind it whatsoever. Flowers? Candy? A hearty pat on the back? I am not exaggerating when I say there is not an ounce of romance in me.

One of the big perks of not being in a relationship is that women won't ever expect anything of me. I tell them up front "You know that sweet guy in all those romantic comedies you bawl your eyes out to? Well I'm not him. I will never be him and if you want him then you better start looking elsewhere." Yet surprisingly with my direct and honest approach there will occasionally be a girl that truly believes I am just presenting her with a challenge; she can break me down and get me to fall madly in love with her. NO NO NO!!!!!

What makes my predicament worse is that all three of these women are some version of single: widowed, divorced, and unattached. There is no other guy around to take the pressure off of me. Someone should do something nice for them especially after all they do for me: Maggie is a sweet mother type that makes the most amazing home cooked meals and Daphne not only gave me a place to live but the free reign to do whatever projects I wanted to around the house. But if I do for them does that mean I have to do for the college brat too?

I'll set the record straight, I do NOT hate Louwin because that would imply I actually gave a shit about her one way or the other and I definitely don't. In all honesty I think the three of us were better off without her, I mean what exactly does she bring to the table? She doesn't cook, doesn't fix things, doesn't even have a pleasant personality. Mostly she just takes up space and gets in the way. But because she's college educated she probably thinks she's superior to all of us. Fuck that. I have no respect for people that have that certain sense of entitlement when most of us have to bust our asses to get the things we have. At least Maggie, Daphne, and me can relate to one another on that level. Louwin not so much.

Because I am a simple guy I decide to leave each lady a single rose with a box of chocolates on their bed the morning of Valentine's Day after they each left for work. Against my better judgement I include Louwin too. Maybe it was my passive aggressive way of showing her that I am the bigger person. Funny thing is when I came back to my room later that night there was a brand new hammer on my bed with a shiny red bow on it. No card, no note, but I knew who it was from. For the first time since I met her that girl she actually managed to put a smile on my face.


Don't read anything into it...