Why I moved Back to NY

In a completely emotionally hysterical state on 11/23/11 I told my dad over the phone that NY might not be the place for me anymore. Of course when I had calmed down I went over the reasons I decided to move back to NY five years ago and how these reasons apply to me now.


THEN: Christmas 2006 I reached out to hold my nephew Micheal and he cried in fear because I was a complete stranger to him. It hit me that I would never have the relationship I longed for with my nephews as long as I was living 1000 miles away from them. Antonio and I would be getting married in five months and were looking to start a family of our own in the near future. Our kids would be estranged to their cousins. I needed to be there for birthdays, holidays, and the occasional stop by visit for no reason at all. I wanted them to know me and more importantly I wanted to know them.

NOW:I'm divorced and these nephews were blood relatives to my ex-husband. Their parents decided to cut me off from their kids without even letting me say goodbye. Antonio and I thankfully never had any kids of our own. This reason is completely null and void.

THEN: I thrived in my undergrad studies and always hoped I'd go back to get my masters degree. The Capital District in NY has so many colleges I could choose from depending on what course of study I was most interested in. The area of South Carolina I was in had one small college with only a few masters programs.

NOW:So far I have not had the opportunity to go back to school, but the important fact is that the opportunity is STILL there when I am ready. Finances, a full time job, and health issues have prevented me so far yet I have feeling it will still happen.

THEN:After three and half years in South Carolina I hadn't formed many, if any, real solid friendships, at least not like the ones I had back in NY. My severe lack of social life was pretty depressing. A big part of this had to do with the fact that I was a liberal bisexual Pagan living in the "Bible Belt". Yeah...not such a good fit.

NOW: Everything seems to have come full circle. When I moved back to NY I had a full social calender filled with parties, get-to-gethers, TV night hang outs. Plus lots of family gatherings with the in-laws. The last year has been pretty lonely. For various reasons my list of friends has seriously dwindled and the invites have almost completely stopped. Additionally I don't get good turn outs to the few gatherings I put together. Once again my in-laws are no longer a part of my life. This aspect has actually gotten worse than it was in South Carolina. But I live in a tri-city area where things are constantly happening, so I feel confident if I put myself out there I could probably revamp my social life. As things currently stand I may end up spending Christmas, New Years Eve, My Birthday, and Valentine's Day alone.

THEN: Antonio and I were going to start a family in the not so distant future. His mom helped out with her other grand kids and was looking forward to helping out with our future kids. We preferred this to daycare for several reasons. Also I didn't like the idea of raising my kids in the south. For starters the educational system was nothing compared to NY schools and I knew this first hand from working as a teaching assistant in one of the better schools in the area. I also felt there was still so much backwards thinking and limited cultural diversity. How many times can I hear "the south will rise again" or "you're going to burn in hell for not accepting Jesus into your life" or "The south will rise again".

NOW As previously mentioned I have no kids. I also have no husband, boyfriend, lover boy...basically "kids" is a foreign concept to me right now. I do still strongly feel raising my kids in NY would be better than raising them in SC, but I don't know how valid this is since I'm not sure when or if I'll even have kids.



My parents are my best friends. Moving away from them was one of the hardest decisions I had to make in my life. I miss them everyday and it hurts that I only see them about twice a year. Five years ago the decision to move back to NY made sense on a logical and practical level. On an emotional level I miss my parents and want to pack up my life all over again to be near them. But I have a solid job, a great apartment, and pet rabbits that I would lose with the move. These are not easy things to come by. I have a lot to think about.