The Problem With Most Girls

****More from our new friend JJ*****

If you want my honest opinion, which you probably don't but you're going to get it anyways, most girls have it all wrong when it comes to that silly little thing called love. Most of the blame goes to lame ass romantic comedies and Disney. Strike three against me, I hate Disney.

Let's look at this ridiculous concept of Prince Charming. It gets implanted in little girls heads that there is this perfect man out there who will slay fire breathing dragons in pursuit of true love with not a single hair out of place in the process. He'll take you on a romantic boat or carpet ride. He'll travel all over the land trying to return your precious shoe. And how can we forget that his kiss will be so magical it can bring you back from death. Is Disney seriously encouraging necrophilia? That's just nasty.

I had this friend, we'll call her Cinderella since she was just as dumb and blond as the original, who was so painfully clueless when it came to guys. She claimed she was looking for true love and happiness through this online dating site. That's right I remember the Disney Movie where that happened, think it was Bambi. Anyways they had this mind blowing first date of dinner and movie. You gotta love a guy whose original. She was so taken by him that she slept with him right away and then never heard from him again. Hmmmm....

I know this is the part where I'm supposed to play the sensitive and supporting role but I just didn't have it in me. Just because a guy has sex with you doesn't mean he wants something more. Sometimes you barely even like the person you're having sex with. It is completely possible to surrender yourself to your basic animal instincts. I think Madonna did an album on that. And poor Cinderella was shocked that this guy wasn't returning her twenty seven texts/phone calls.

Then comes the whining. Why doesn't he like me? What did I do wrong? I thought he was different. I thought we had a real connection. There is only so much I can take before I end up rolling my eyes and shouting "SHUT THE FUCK UP! He didn't like you, he liked your pussy. End of story, move on." Needless to say Cinderella and I are no longer friends. And believe it or not I am completely okay with that. She was just like 99% of the other girls I have attempted to befriend a certified drama queen.

There are countless beauty magazines that convince women they need to enhance themselves with hundreds of dollars worth of products that only end up making them look worse than when they started. A main motivator for the push up bra, ass enhancing jeans, fake eye lashes, and hair extensions it apparently to attract the opposite sex. Let me tell you something, I don't buy any of that crap and I could outscore these dollar store looking hookers any day. I have the one thing Mabelline doesn't sell, confidence. And confidence is why I can have my pick of any man I want.

Recently I was at an RPI hockey game with some friends. There was a guy a few rows away that caught my eye. I didn't need to bat my lashes and blush like a little school girl, you should outgrow those tactics once you hit puberty by the way. Instead I held his gaze for about sixty seconds and then ignored him for the rest of the period. While I was busy shouting at the bullshit calls with the rest of my friends this guy is wondering who I am and what I am about. At the end of the game he came up to me and asked if he could take me out for a drink. I explained I was out with friends, but maybe another time. Then I took control of the situation and got his number.

A few nights later he was back at my place eating me out like I was his last meal before death row. Another mistake most girls make is that she is so eager to please her man she insists on performing oral on him first. Uh uh. Make him earn it and believe me mine are well worth it. Most men are sexually selfish and won't give a girl what she needs after he gets what he needs. I tease a guy with a little sneak preview of whats to come if he's a good little boy and it works almost every time. If a guy isn't into it then neither am I. Needless to say I have no problem kicking a blue-balled man to the curb. For every guy who won't give me what I want there are a dozen more who will.

The best part about the RPI guy was that we hooked up a few times without any expectations. That's the way it needs to be. Then when the shiny newness wore off we both moved on. Believe it or not it really can be that simple. Who keeps going to the same well after it's dried up? Let's be logical here people. Once again I have to refer back to Cinderella. She gave him what he really wanted and he moved on. And if I really think about it she probably DIDN'T give him what he wanted which is why she never heard from him again. Not trying to be mean, just keeping it real here. For me if the guy isn't a complete weirdo and the sex was good I'll come back for seconds, thirds, and maybe even fourths.

I'm not saying there aren't some great guys out there who may somewhat resemble the guys in the wonderful world of Disney. Here's the thing, they'll represent them in personality OR appearance, not both. The man who sweeps you off your feet romantically will have random bouts of flatulence, back hair, and a protruding gut. He has this wonderful personality out of necessity because he's fugly. How else is he going to get a girl? The man with the perfect hair and rock hard abs won't get you flowers because he doesn't need to woo you to get your panties off. Sign me up for option #2 please.