I Will NOT Follow That Damn Yellow Brick Road

****JJ, the working girl. Not that kind you fools****

After high school graduation Brendon, the class valedictorian, went off to some IVY league school in the northeast. There was no doubt in my mind he would be off doing great things. Much to my parents disappointment I decided the whole higher education thing wasn't for me. And although I didn't go to college I did live in a college town where I was able to attend many college parties. So you can say I definitely got my dose of the college experience too. Is there more to it than sleeping until noon after a long night of under aged drinking?!


A couple of months into my new life my dad, the buzz kill that he is, informed me I had a choice: either get a job or go to college. If I didn't choose either option then I would lose use of my car. Of course my mom chimed in that she could always use help down at the flower shop. Yeah I'd rather get gang banged by the entire football team. Actually now that the image is in my head....never mind.

Oddly enough I ended up at the once place I had happily managed to avoid during all my formative years, the mall. The challenge was finding something that wasn't girly, food prep related, or trendy. I refused to wear a uniform or partake in customer service. Sales positions didn't really appeal to me either; I'd rather a steady and small paycheck then get my hopes up on a potential commission. Needless to say my options were severely limited.

There was this t-shirt store called "Lani's". Perfect, a place I can wear jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers every day. Did you ever see a funny bumper sticker or key chain and think to yourself that would make an awesome t-shirt? That's what this store does. A smart ass like me would fit right in. Thankfully I could sleep late most days and get the closing shift which surprisingly most people didn't want. Because of the nature of the store I didn't have to censor myself either. This place was not for the faint of heart, prudish stay at home mommies, or Jesus freaks. Although to be fair their money is just as good as anyone elses.

Fast forward a few years and I was still at Lani's, but now as the store assistant manager. My management style was laid back as long as you didn't cross me. Micro-managing was a waste of every one's time, so as long as you did what you needed to do I didn't give two shits how you did it. I only hired people I could see myself hanging out with outside of work too. I was stuck at this place forty plus hours a week, might as well enjoy the company I keep. That was my theory anyways. And I was not above putting myself in rotation to do the menial jobs that everyone hated such as cleaning the bathroom. No one likes a manager who thinks they're too important to get their hands dirty. My mom prodded me to go for the manager slot when it opened up, but I felt the extra hassle and responsibility weren't worth the extra pay.

The other day the new manager came in to introduce himself. Blond over blue, tight ass, dimples when he smiles. Something about him seemed so familiar but I couldn't quite place it.It was the obnixious hyena laugh that radiated in the store that gave him away. Jarrod. No last name, just Jarrod. I'm sure he has last name although it has no relevance to me.

We had met before at a party during those formative months right after I graduated high school. Those days and nights were full of much alcohol and pot and random hook ups. Life was good. Fuck that, life was awesome right before my dad burst my little drug induced orgy bubble. Anyways Jarrod and I were playing that card game Kings or Bullshit. There was some obvious flirting going on that led to some horrible sex in the bed of his pickup truck.

Do you remember that list I gave you of the things a guy can do wrong sexually that will make me kick him to the curb? Imagine a man or should I say little boy that manages to accomplish all of them in one evening. And I am not going to excuse it because of the alcohol since I had no trouble holding up on my end of the deal. Too bad real life isn't like a game show because I would have happily taken the donkey behind door number two over this moron.

Now I know for sure it wasn't me. I know you've been wondering all this time what I look like. Well here it us: 5'9'', toned athletic body yet with curvaceous hips; ass; and large breasts, long wavy strawberry blond hair, brownish green eyes, button nose. I have none of the usual defects that would make a girl unfuckable such as acne, morbid obesity, excessive body hair, lazy eye, mangled yellowed teeth, smelly. Need I go on? I was fuckin hot and everyone that knew me knew it. I expected a guy to spring a boner just looked at me.

First the kissing. Slobbery. Bad breath. Teeth clanking. He bit my lip so hard he broke skin. I pushed his face away thinking we could just focus on the actual sex part. He couldn't get it up. There is no reason a young guy in a sexual prime should have this issue. So naturally I asked him if he had done this before. He got offended. I replied, "If you know what you're doing then show me."

He pushed me back down and proceeded to go down on me. It didn't matter what body part his mouth was on, same technique or rather lack there of. When he bit down on me I kicked him on reflex. This was the one and only time in my life I engaged in a pity fuck. Don't worry, it only lasted about three minutes. He couldn't finish although I might argue he never really started. The grand finale was the projectile vomiting all over me and the back of the truck. My only consolation was that I would never have to see him again.

Now he was going to be my boss! Well the horrible hook-up happened years ago while we were both very inebriated. Not that I ever want to be a girl a guy bones and forgets, but I'll make an exception this time for very special circumstances. Unfortunately as soon as we locked eyes I knew he knew just who I was. Fuckme. Wait a minute, he was smiling. Maybe he didn't remember. No way that night would bring a smile to anyone's face.

He walked over to me, "Have we met?"

I shook my head, "I don't think so."

"Oh we've definitely met, but it was a while back. You had some double initial name like BB."

"Actually my name is JJ and I'm sure you're confusing me with someone else."

He leaned into me to whisper in my ear, "You were so hot that night. And now you'll be working underneath me. I'm getting hard just thinking about it."


It's true that it's not what is said, but who says it. Any other guy that wasn't some limp dick loser speaking those words to me would have been a turn on. But from Jarrod, ugh. I think I might just projectile vomit on him. For as much as I gripe about this job I am really very happy here. I get paid well with very little expected of me. Now this asstwat was going to fuck that all up. I had to think fast. As much as I hate lying this was a situation where I saw no other feasible way out. For giving me the worst night of my life this guy had what was coming to him. "A few years back? Yeah I think I remember you too."

His smile broadened, "I knew it was you. Why don't you say we hook up again?"

"Are you sure? Things will be a little different this time around. There are certain things I can't do anymore."

Confusion was painted all over his face. "What are you talking about?"

Time to go in for the kill. "Well back then as you know I was a guy. Last year I finally got that corrective surgery I had been hoping for. And I remember how much you liked taking it up the ass, I just don't think I can please you like I did that night. I mean there's always strap-ons. I'd be willing to try if you would." It took everything in me not to burst into laughter right then and there as repulsion visibly spread through every part of his body.

He backed away from me, "You're right, I obviously have you confused with someone else. I actually, um, wow is it that late already? I had something I had to take care of." I have never seen someone sprint so fast out of the store. Then again ending things a bit too quickly was a talent of his.

Well you can imagine my surprise when I heard from the district manager that Jarrod had decided to take a job elsewhere. The DM just couldn't grasp why he had suddenly changed his mind. He then asked me to reconsider taking the position myself. Maybe. Who knows? I'll consider my options over a toke and a beer.