Split Decisions

*****Katie's perspective****

Last night I had a nightmare. It was that scene from "The Good Son" except it was me on the edge of they cliff deciding if I should save Charlie or Nick from plummeting to their death. Those two pairs of hazel eyes staring up at me brimming with fear and it was my indecision that led to the death of both of them.

It's not often I have nightmares, but when I do get them I go back to this child like state that requires comfort and soothing. My first instinct was to go to Nick. I tip-toed across the hall to his room where he was sound asleep. As I turned to leave he woke up and whispered my name. I sprinted over to him and fell into his arms as the tears began streaming down my face. He held me tightly against him with one arm while stroking my hair gently with his other hand. Both his body and his personality were always so warm.

I woke up to the sun dancing across Nick's slumbering face. There was a pang in my heart for the pain I had caused him. More than anything I was disapointed in myself that I had taken him forgranted assuming he would always be there no matter what just like last night. Nick put aside his own pain to comfort me through mine. I know I'm not the brightest crayon in the box but I know enough to realize this is a rare quality in a person. And if I'm being honest with myself I just can't picture my life without him. The problem is in what capacity?

My mind wandered to my recent trip with Charlie. We went to this massive mall built on a swamp and rode the ferris wheel. Yes, this mall had a full sized ferris wheel inside. And at the top we kissed. We also rode horses side by side on the carousel reaching over and kissing. Then there were the countless arcade games me played at Dave and Busters. Of course more kissing. Later on we couldn't stop kissing while we watched some penguin movie in the eyemax theatre. Charlie has the ability to send electricity running all throughout my body with a simple touch. And everytime he looked at me that certain way I could feel my face flush.

Once before I had accused Charlie of only being interested in me because I was his shiny new toy. Maybe I had it all wrong and it was really me who felt that way. There has been an intense passion between us since the first day we met. First it was expressed in anger then later on it progressed to lust. Of course I lusted after him, he was the very definition of sexy. Passion eventually fades or so I;ve heard. And without the passion what would be left to what we have? But there is something different about him in the way that he challenges me like no one ever has before. Most people just shrug me off as I already am. He believes there is so much more to me than that. I wonder if he's in on some secret no one else has figured out yet.

Things with Nick have developed steadily over the years. We formed a strong friendship through experiences we shared, most of them at the cafe. And it will probably always be my first instinct to go to him when the world has crapped on me. No one sooths my inner savage beast quite like he does. There is no doubt that what we have will not fade or change. Afterall he's Mr. Consistancy. How could I forget that he took a big chance on me all those years ago? And how he's stood by me always, most of the time without me having to even ask.

I kissed Nick's forehead then whispered "I'm so sorry." I slipped out of the room. Quietly I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. All my years at Banjo's had turned me into a pro of brewing a nice pot of coffee yet my talents were wasted on this stupid one cup Keurig machine. As the wonder machine prepared my drink I stood at the counter doodling on a napkin. Old habits die hard I guess. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing until the machine signaled that my cup was done. My eyes widened at my work of art because that's where the answer to my dilemna was.

Abandoning my fresh brew I dashed to the front door, slipped on some shoes, and left the house. It was time for Katie to stop letting life happen to her and instead make things happen herself.