Mean Girls

****How JJ distinguishes herself from the others****


Have I ever bullied someone? Yes, but before you get some image of me beating the shit out of some poor defenseless kid half my size let me further explain. I bully the bullies, much like a super hero but I wear my underwear underneath my clothes. And if I had to say what my special power was I would say it's the razor truth. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but WORDS do hurt too. If I do my job right than words hurt even more.

Brendon told me about this girl at a call center he briefly worked at during college. Her name was well let's just call her "V". V took pleasure in bullying one of the new reps. She would curse at her, cut her off whenever she was speaking, mock her fashion choices. The thing about bullies is that they are sad pathetic excuses of a human being whose only source of pleasure in life is another's misery. Not too different from parasites exception is that bullies tend to be popular. I've never seen tapeworm with a posse of followers. Whatever.

One day I was visiting Brendon for lunch at work. We were sitting in the cafeteria when I overheard some girl making nasty comments about someone else sitting a couple tables away from her. Brendon motioned to the loud mouth saying under his breath "That's her." Now I though V would be some gorgeous intelligent perfect specimen the way she felt the right to sit on a high horse pointing her crooked little fingers at everyone else. Imagine my surprise (sarcasm folks) when the girl I saw was one giant hot mess: Bleached blond hair with hot pink streaks and her black roots showing, about 10 pounds of caked on make-up ala street walker, protruding belly hanging over her acid wash jeans, and a tattoo right over her droopy breasts Sweet As Sin.

Brendon filled me in on her background. She's a single mom, no longer with the baby daddy, hey these things happen. But in the one short year of her daughter's life she has had THREE different boyfriends. She collects public assistance yet managed to take a European vacation a couple of months ago. Obviously this girl is a class act. I feel most sorry for the poor kid, I know I hate kids, but this one is doomed to follow in her nasty whore mother's foot steps. The reason I don't have kids is because I value my social and sex life way to much to sacrifice them for someone else. Yet here is a woman, really a little girl pretending to be a woman, that actively chose to be a mom AND work the streets. Of course she's a bully, clearly no one can measure up to her HIGH standards.

You know I've never had a problem speaking my mind, so why should that day have been an exception. As I strutted over to the wicked witch of the east I could feel Brendon's smile on my back. "Excuse me I just wanted to say how much I admire you."

She rolled her eyes, "What are you talking about?"

I crossed my arms and grinned, "I think it takes a brave person to publicly break someone down especially when they're the perfect candidate to be cast on Jerry Springer. Do you even know who your baby daddy is? Not like it matters since you rotate through men quicker than a bitch in heat. Hopefully someone calls CPS on your fat ass."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Who the fuck do you think you are? What do you have against this girl exactly? That's she younger, prettier, smarter, and thinner than you. Ugh what a bitch. I bet she can attract a man without spreading her legs to expose her overused flappy vag. How about the fact that she's not some white trash piece of shit that gets her kicks off making others feel bad about themselves. Thankfully you have your minions who aren't your real friends by the way and probably laugh about YOU behind your back." There was an eruption of laughter in the cafeteria. Good, now she knew the taste of humiliation.

I turned to V's victim, "Hold your head up knowing that you are a better person that her in every conceivable way."

I walked away as V sat there speechless. Brendon gave me a high five on my way out. If it were a high school movie I would expect the room to give me an applause. Where was a giant punch bowl to dump on her head after I finished my speech? A giant punch bowl would have made added that extra something to the moment especially since V was wearing white.