I'm certainly no "Sexpert"

When I returned to blogging universe I was writing about some colorful sexual experiences 1/2 truth and 1/2 fiction. It got me thinking about things that should just be obvious to a man, but so clearly aren't. I know everyone has certain individual tastes and preferences however I feel confident that the following "Does" and "Don'ts" can be agreed upon by most women I personally know.


KISSING

Don't eat some one's face. Excessive slobbering and drool are NEVER okay. I don't want to have to get a towel to wipe my face down after a make out session. This is not a dental visit, no need to open your mouth extra wide so I can see your molars.

Do a breath check. Not telling you what to snack on, but maybe if you're on a date where possible kissing may occur later on....stay away from the garlic. Gum is always an option, brushing teeth, mouth wash works too. This is probably the number one killer to what could be an incredible kiss.

Don't move your tongue around like you're having epileptic seizure: hitting my teeth, the roof of my mouth, my tonsils. Equally as bad is the infamous limp tongue. You put it in my mouth and then it goes to sleep. If you don't know how to use your tongue properly it's best to leave it at home folks.

Do know the difference between playful lip nibbling and lip biting. If you drew blood then you probably were a bit too rough. Reel it back in Dracula.


FOREPLAY

Let's keep it real here, most guys skip this section altogether. I totally get heat of the moment I need it now, but that should be the exception and NOT the rule.

Do pay attention to the breasts. Big, small, in between...they all like attention. Giant hint, nipples are a highly erogenous zone on both men and women. Lips, tongue, fingers, hands. A hard nipple is a happy nipple.

Don't try to remove them and take them with you. They are sensitive and they are attached to the body, so be kind. One guy bit my nipple so hard once I was shocked it hadn't actually fallen off. That same man beat my boobs so hard I had bruises for days. (See my blog about Andy)

Do heat up the oven BEFORE shoving your meatloaf inside. Like any workout session you should stretch before you go running a marathon otherwise you're bound to get painful cramps or quit halfway through.


SEX

Do be creative. No one likes the same thing every time no matter how good it may be. I love Visco's pizza but would I want it for every meal every day? Nope. Surprise me, entice me, keep me guessing where we're going. Props, role playing, fetishes...don't knock it until you've tried it at least a few times.

Don't make it a race. Let's not challenge to see who gets the first orgasm, how about we try to make sure we both enjoy ourselves?! If you're consistantly the first to the finish line you may not get to enter that race ever again.

Do have open lines of communication with your partner. Likes vs dislikes, past experiences good and bad. Knowing each other is the best way to please each other.

Don't immediately get up after you're done, put on your clothes, and leave to do something else. You might as well leave a $20 on the table if that's your attitude. Ever heard of spooning? The goal is to not make your lady feel like a cheap hooker.


EXTRAS

Good Hygeiene. like freshly baked cookies will entice us to devour them, a funky guy will have us running the other way. That also reminds me about grooming. If a girl has to hunt to find your cock she's less likely to want to play with it.

It's always the season to be giving. Why do men always expect oral sex without giving back? Or if they do perform it, then it's after much prompting and done with as much zest as curbing your dog? As one of my ex's put it, "If you want repeat customers then make sure you're providing an excellent service."