On The Hunt (Wednesday Nobody Interviews)

This week's "Nobody Interview" is with my favorite bad boy Reed Hunter. This interview is unconventional as he is a fictional charactor from my unpublished MS's "Prep School Sins" and it's sequel title TBA. He's entering his junior year of high school at Stanobia Academy located just outside of Salem, Mass.

1. How do we know eachother?

(eyes me up and down) We met last November when you're brilliant mind created me, but in my opinion we don't know eachother nearly well enough.

2. In Prep School Sins we get to see the interesting group dynamics between you and your closest childhood friends. Why don't you tell us a little bit about each of them.

(rolls eyes) I thought this interview was about me? Whatever. Tyler is my roommate and the guy has a giant redwood stuck up his ass. All about schedules and planning, he even irons his damn clothes the night before. Dude needs to take it easy every once in a while. Who else? Oh yeah, my boy Perry. Perry is so pussy whipped by Dani, he won't even look at another girl. What a waste because Dani aint all that. But he's a pretty good artist, can do just about anything creative with his hands. It's cool that he's got his thing, you know? My thing is pot and porn, well I guess that's two things. Anyways, Perry rooms with Caleb or as I like to call him 'Scarlet V'. Caleb is the only one of us that hasn't tapped some sweet ass yet. He's a bit quiet too, kind of a pansy. Sometimes I think he might be gay actually not that there's anything wrong with that, my older bro is gay.

3. You briefly mentioned Dani. She's the only girl in the group. What's your relationship like with her?

First of all you can hardly call Dani a girl, I think she has more testosterone running through her than the rest of us. (chuckles) As far as relationships, I don't do those. Why waste money on wooing a girl when there are plenty of ways to get it for free? If I ever did have a relationship it wouldn't happen until I was real old like twenty-five or something and it would never be with Dani. Dani does her thing and I do mine.

4. So you've never had a girlfriend?

Are you offering up your services sweetheart? (I shake my head) No, I'm all about cutting to the chase. There is a girl I'm dealing with, you know a friends with benefits thing, but just benefits. I don't do affection, romance, or any of that bullshit. Get it, get out, get over it. That's my method of attack.

5. Well you're young, maybe someday when you meet the right girl your opinions will change. Do you have a specific type?

Baby, I meet the 'right girl' all the time. (winks) Right now, right here, oh yeah. And as far as my type, I don't discriminate: younger, older, short, tall, Hispanic, Asian, Black, White. It don't matter cause pussy is pussy. My type is female.

6. Okay, besides getting laid what other interests do you have?

Here at Stanobia Academy I try to keep a low profile. Tyler's Mr. Big Man on campus. I smoke dope in the woods pretty much every afternoon and do the bare minimum to pass my classes. I think there are better ways to spend my time other than stressing over boring academic shit. I am on the varsity swim team, but that's because it's an activity where I can show off what I'm working with in a tiny speedo. Great way to pick up chicks. So I guess it is always about sex with me but what do you expect?!

7. Typically high school juniors are starting to think about their plans for after high school. Where do you see yourself post-graduation?

Well my buddies will probably head off to college, but that's not really my deal. I'm doing school now because it's mandatory, as in my parents will kick my ass to the curb if I don't graduate high school and it's not cheap to support some of my habits. I definitely don't want anymore school. I don't know, I'm not a planner. I like living impulsively day to day. I'm all about having my fun right now, do first think later. Damn why did you have to get all serious? You're killing my buzz girl.

8. Okay, okay. You mentioned earlier that you have a friend with benefits. How exactly does that work?

We have sex.

Care to elaborate?

It's really freaky hot sex. Different places, sometimes we bring another girl into it. This girl is a sexual acrobat too.

Who is she?

Can't get into that.

9. Okay, I am going to attempt to steer this conversation away from sex. What is your favorite childhood memory?

That's easy, Halloween when I was six. All of us dressed up as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I was Michaelangelo. I think sometimes I miss how simple things were back then. We were just kids trying to grab as much candy as possible without a care in the world. It's not that I stress about anything now, but all my friends do. It can be a real downer sometimes like they can't just let loose and have some crazy fun.

10. I want to thank you for taking the time out to do this interview with me. My traditional last question, if you could be any breakfast cereal what would you be and why?

What the fuck kind of question is that? You're a bit weird, you know that right? Well I guess I would be Lucky Charms because I am magically delicious.