Confidence Savings Account

Once a guy I met told me, "I wish I could just give you an injection of confidence." This comment was made after knowing me for less than an hour, but it doesn't take all that long to be around me and know I am not by any means a confident person. There are situations in my life where I should have been confident, but I wasn't and no amount of accolades would have made me confident. There are many possible reasons for this: a little too much bullying in my childhood, constantly struggling for every minute achievement, and even my greatest accomplishments getting short sided by others. Whatever the reason behind this lack of confidence it all boils down to the fact that I just don't believe in my self.

When it comes to my writing I would describe myself as a sprinter rather than a middle distance or marathon runner: short stories, plays, and mostly poetry. Although I love writing I was always too anxious to get to the finish line which often meant I would miss out on the all important process; the actual run itself. When you run, or speed walk as I used to do, its not about the mileage you put on your sneakers but rather the wind against your face, the feel of the earth underneath your feet, and the surge of adrenaline throughout your entire body. I always wanted to be a published author which for me meant an anthology of my short stories, plays, and poetry.

Then I experienced The Journey. The Journey is my first novel which some may argue may a bit too long boasting over three-hundred pages. Hey I'm an extremist constantly bouncing from one end of the spectrum to the other. For me the book was about getting to know these characters: seeing the world from their point of view, feeling their hurt and frustration and greatest triumphs. The book earned it's title not only from what the characters went through, but also what I went through as well. For me writing this novel was a journey and in the end as corny as it may seem within these new characters I created I found new friends. And as I learned about the book I learned about myself.

All these years I have been storing away confidence much like a savings account or college fund waiting for that moment in my life when I would splurge on that one big thing. This is it, it's finally arrived after more than twenty years, and that moment is this novel. I know this novel will be successful and touch readers the way it has touched this writer. And I can't tell you how or why or what, but it will happen and I just know it. Faith is the belief in something without the tangible evidence to support it or in spite of tangible evidence against it. I have faith in The Journey and the amazing places it will take me.