Confessional Tuesday (This was taken right from my blog on www.writersmarket.com)
I once had a theory that EVERYONE had that ONE thing they were naturally inclined at. Sometimes there were lucky individuals who had more than one, like this girl I grew up with Vicky.
Vicky was beautiful with long strawberry blonde hair, hazel eyes, and medium toned skin. She had an athletic build with slight curves on her medium frame. Vicky's beauty never went unnoticed, in the 8 years I went to school with her I can't recall a single guy that didn't want her and there wasn't a single time that she didn't end up with her own object of desire. Vicky was an amazing dancer. At school dances people gathered around watching her bust a move. Vicky was athletic, name a sport and she dominated it. Did I also mention she could sing? Snagged school solos like they were meant for her. Academically she was in all the advanced classes too. There was only one thing Vicky wasn't good at and that was being humble. She was the shit and she knew it.
Then you have someone like me. Athletically I was an uncoordinated mess. I was a two-step dancer. Academically I was in all the advanced classes, but there were definitely a number of kids quite smarter than me that made my hard work look ridiculously easy. My singing voice was pretty. And I would say I was average looking although always struggled with my weight. Bottom line, there was nothing I excelled at, just a lot of things I could do okay or somewhat decently.
I started writing poetry when I was seven. Deep down I thought maybe writing was my thing. My essays, short stories, plays, writing assignments consistantly impressed my teachers and peers. Maybe it was low self esteem at the time (who am I kidding, my self esteem is still crap) because I didn't recognize my writing as talent for years. Then when I became a teenager I decided that was what I wanted to go to college for and that was the career I wanted to pursue. I would be a world famous writer. Okay, sure thing Laura. This was probably as likely as me becoming a Unicorn Farmer.
I graduate with high honors from college with a B.A. in English, writing. I go onto multiple jobs that have nothing to do with my degree and I stop writing pretty much altogether. About six and 1/2 years post college graduation I tackle the unthinkable...a novel. As far as my writing had gone previously I was a sprinter too impatient to complete anything longer than a short story. But something compells me to try this whole novel thing out. I feel like I have a story within me. This is what I was meant to do and this is why I have been so unhappy all these years. Writing is my ONE thing! My talent, my purpose, why the hell I'm here.
Maybe not. Seven months later I am somewhere between my fourth and fifth draft of my first MS, foolishly working on other projects to keep the momentum going, but realizing that I just might not have something I naturally excell out. If we look at the law of averages, when people like Vicky have about half a dozen things they do better than most, then some of us out there may have none. I know writing is hard work and I see evidence of that everyday on this website; the multiple re-writes and critiques others go through. Call me naive, but I thought I was special or different. Not saying I was better because I don't think that at all with the array of writing styles, experience, and talent here. Not to mention all the writers out there who have no association with this website. Maybe I let go of the Unicorn Farm and just admire from a distance; write for the love of writing and nothing more.
How do you know if you're good at something? In Vicky's case everyone told her she was. How do you know if you were meant to do something? And if it is true that there is nothing exceptional about me, then where do I go from here?
3 comments:
I truly believe that if writing was easy we wouldn't get near as much enjoyment out of it. It's a challenge to fit words together like a piece of a puzzle. But when something fits, when you write a really great sentence or segment of dialog, that's when you can take a step back and smile. The obsticals make us appriciate the little successes so much more.
Plus, where is Vicky now? Is she happy with her life or is she constantly needing to be reassured that she's good at something? The grass will always be greener and that's the hardest thing to remember.
ML's right. The grass always looks greener so forget Vicky.
Maybe you're a good writer and maybe you're not. Doesn't matter. A lot of outstanding writers never got published because they didn't keep trying. A lot of mediocre writers got published because they did keep trying, and learning, and writing better! One woman I know had thirteen finished mss before she ever got published. But she was determined.
If you're a writer, you write. Your call.
You ARE a writer.
The thing about art is that no matter how well done things are, they may still not make it. So polish PSS and when you're finished polish the sequel, and polish other ones in the mean time. Your writing will get better and better, and you will eventually strike gold.
There are a lot of writers (yes even the fmous ones) whose first novel is hiding in a desk drawer or under a bed. Maybe that first creation was a Frankenstein- hideous and malformed- but it was the first step to getting out the novel that eventually made it!
PS your work is not hideous and malformed, btw, but as a writer, I know we have our moments when we think that...
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