Revisiting Our Friend Katie
Sometimes there are roads you once traveled that you feel you can no longer go back down. And this road may be the most comfortable and sensible way to go yet you would would rather choose that unbeaten path because curiosity has taken you hostage. Unfortunately it is that old road that you must eventually brave once more if you ever want to find your way home again.
It had been more than three years since I walked away from the one true thing in my life on a whim. The boy who knew how to create laughter in my heart. And as much as I tried to deny the regret I have lived with since, it is when I stare into the face of our child that I can no longer deny what has always been right.
One night while Jacob splashes around in the bathtub I'm is reminded of those times Nick and I splashed around in the large fountain in front of Banjo's. Jacob's dark brown curly hair sticking to his forehead just as Nick's had. They have the same smile, the same laugh, the same spirit. More than a thousand miles apart from a man he's never met yet Jacob is more Nick's son than he could ever be mine.
Charlie was away on one of his traveling musical blog adventures. This was the first impulsive thing I've done since I ran away with Charlie. All mine and Jacob's belongings jammed into my car, only leaving a note behind for Charlie upon his return. Just a simple musical lyric:
I'm coming home, to the place where I belong...
The road I had avoided going back down all these years took me three days to travel. Jacob anxiously looked out the window while bombarding me with questions. What two year old isn't high strung? In the quiet moments while he slept it gave me so much time to think. And in all that thinking I still had no clue what I would say or do once I saw those hazel eyes again.
We sat in the parking lot in front of Banjo's for a good thirty minutes while I slowly built up the courage I needed to finish this final part of my journey. It was Jacob's pleading that he was hungry that made me realize I couldn't delay this anymore. Unfortunately I was all out of the snacks I had collected along the way. As soon as I got him out of his car seat he sprinted as fast as his chubby toddler legs could go right into the cafe. In full on mommy mode I ran after him. Thank goodness for my comfy shoes because after all that driving every part of me was some version of sore or cramped. Parenthood teaches you comfort before fashion, not that I had ever been one for fashion anyways.
When I came into the cafe I saw that Nick was holding Jacob in his arms as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He was listing off all the sweet baked goods they had for rambunctious little boys when our eyes locked. He said my name barely above a whisper followed shortly by Jacob's loud, "Mommy!"
Before anything else could be said by either of us a young girl sweeping the floors looked up at the scene and said, "Woah that's crazy, he looks just like you! I didn't know you had a kid."
Nick looked at the child in his arms, then at me, then back at the child as realization slowly painted all over his face. I sort of wanted to tell the girl funny thing he didn't know he had a kid either.
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