****A brief announcement from our girl JJ on one of her latest adventures****
I'm not going to be one of those petty girls that will degrade the size of your penis or sexual performance just because things didn't work out. No, frankly I'm above that kind of childish bullshit. Instead I'll keep it real when I say both were very pleasing to me.
How can I best explain what this is all about to you R.M. in a way that your tiny little mind will understand? I posted a Craigslist ad that was VERY specific about what I wanted and expected from a potential fuck buddy. Tired of the bar scene and willing to try something new I figured why the hell not? Everyone knows I'm not one for romance anyways, just some good old fashioned pounding. And the way you bent me over the back of your hatch and fucked me in the middle of a field nearly brought me to tears. Bonus points for the way you went down on me like you were a gold medalist in muff diving.
Here's where things started to go sour...when in the middle of our first time having sex you told me you wanted to bring a friend along so you guys could double penetrate me. Um, I was just meeting you and dealing with you...now you want to turn this into a sporting event?! Pretty sure I was very clear in my ad that I was specifically looking to avoid multi partner drama by just dealing with one guy. Oddly you took my lack of response as an invitation to take things to the next freaky level and you brought up swinger parties about four times. Hard to believe you're completely drug free when those things are notorious for having them.
Ah then there was when you transitioned into a neurotic freak while driving me back to my car. You talked incessantly about yourself cutting me off whenever I tried to join in the conversation. Or how about blasting your stereo so loud I thought I would start hemorrhaging out of my ears? This was music you insisted on me listening to yet you continuously yapped over it. Maybe the best was when you started showing me a couple dozen photos of you on your Facebook account through your phone while explaining how all these random women are obsessed with you.
No wait I especially appreciated the lecture on politics for 10 minutes. I desperately tried to flee the scene but you wouldn't let me. Against my better judgment we hooked up one more time the next day at my place. You started out cool so I figured all the creepy stuff came from nerves. The sex was even more amazing than the night before, you tired me out which rarely ever happens. Then the freak came out again. Abruptly I walked out of the room as you started to play a music video of yourself and like the insecure weirdo you are you followed me into the hallway half naked to make sure I saw this video.
We parted on good terms with you saying you were excited for the next time. When I texted you for a booty call a couple of days later you explained that you were too busy with music, school, and work. You said we could hook up that weekend. Then like an idiot you blew me off. Soooooo, R.M. onto the next one I go. The sex was great, but I'm not dealing with all the crap that comes along with it. Good luck finding someone who will.
Boots. Ass. Curb.
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