When I returned to blogging universe I was writing about some colorful sexual experiences 1/2 truth and 1/2 fiction. It got me thinking about things that should just be obvious to a man, but so clearly aren't. I know everyone has certain individual tastes and preferences however I feel confident that the following "Does" and "Don'ts" can be agreed upon by most women I personally know.
KISSING
Don't eat some one's face. Excessive slobbering and drool are NEVER okay. I don't want to have to get a towel to wipe my face down after a make out session. This is not a dental visit, no need to open your mouth extra wide so I can see your molars.
Do a breath check. Not telling you what to snack on, but maybe if you're on a date where possible kissing may occur later on....stay away from the garlic. Gum is always an option, brushing teeth, mouth wash works too. This is probably the number one killer to what could be an incredible kiss.
Don't move your tongue around like you're having epileptic seizure: hitting my teeth, the roof of my mouth, my tonsils. Equally as bad is the infamous limp tongue. You put it in my mouth and then it goes to sleep. If you don't know how to use your tongue properly it's best to leave it at home folks.
Do know the difference between playful lip nibbling and lip biting. If you drew blood then you probably were a bit too rough. Reel it back in Dracula.
FOREPLAY
Let's keep it real here, most guys skip this section altogether. I totally get heat of the moment I need it now, but that should be the exception and NOT the rule.
Do pay attention to the breasts. Big, small, in between...they all like attention. Giant hint, nipples are a highly erogenous zone on both men and women. Lips, tongue, fingers, hands. A hard nipple is a happy nipple.
Don't try to remove them and take them with you. They are sensitive and they are attached to the body, so be kind. One guy bit my nipple so hard once I was shocked it hadn't actually fallen off. That same man beat my boobs so hard I had bruises for days. (See my blog about Andy)
Do heat up the oven BEFORE shoving your meatloaf inside. Like any workout session you should stretch before you go running a marathon otherwise you're bound to get painful cramps or quit halfway through.
SEX
Do be creative. No one likes the same thing every time no matter how good it may be. I love Visco's pizza but would I want it for every meal every day? Nope. Surprise me, entice me, keep me guessing where we're going. Props, role playing, fetishes...don't knock it until you've tried it at least a few times.
Don't make it a race. Let's not challenge to see who gets the first orgasm, how about we try to make sure we both enjoy ourselves?! If you're consistantly the first to the finish line you may not get to enter that race ever again.
Do have open lines of communication with your partner. Likes vs dislikes, past experiences good and bad. Knowing each other is the best way to please each other.
Don't immediately get up after you're done, put on your clothes, and leave to do something else. You might as well leave a $20 on the table if that's your attitude. Ever heard of spooning? The goal is to not make your lady feel like a cheap hooker.
EXTRAS
Good Hygeiene. like freshly baked cookies will entice us to devour them, a funky guy will have us running the other way. That also reminds me about grooming. If a girl has to hunt to find your cock she's less likely to want to play with it.
It's always the season to be giving. Why do men always expect oral sex without giving back? Or if they do perform it, then it's after much prompting and done with as much zest as curbing your dog? As one of my ex's put it, "If you want repeat customers then make sure you're providing an excellent service."
Visiters
Romance and Indigestion
Anyone who knows me or at least reads my blog can see that I'm a woman who has had no shortage of passions in her life. There is one relationship though that stands out above all the others. What we had has lasted most of my life and was riddled with drama. And no matter what we've been through together I don't know if I can ever see myself completely walking away. This time I will not change names to protect the innocent. This time I will bare it all because it's a story that needs to be told. If I can prevent even one person from repeating my mistakes then it'll be well worth it.
I can't remember the fine details of when we first crossed paths, but I know I was real young and completely unaware of the powers of seduction she would have over me for years to come. To this day I have never put my lips on anything finer. The pleasure, the pain, the pleasure, the pain keeps me in this torturous cycle I'm unable to break from. So many have told me I should know better. I should, sometimes I do, most of the time I don't. If you've ever seen us together than you would know just how happy we can be.
CHEESE.
American. Cheddar. Mozzarella. Fontanella. Brie. Gouda. Pepper Jack. Parmesan. The only kind I ever came across that I didn't enjoy was Blue Cheese. Yuck. Often I would order sandwiches, burgers, and wraps with the explicit instructions "put every kind of cheese you have on it." Their eyes would bulge out of their heads, but I didn't stutter. Give me my cheesy fix dammit!
Indigestion. Constipation. Nausea. Acid reflex. Heartburn. High Cholesterol. When it happened I would swear that it was the last time I indulged in this sordid romance again. My departure was always short and sweet. How could I deny something so good even if it was so bad?! The risk seemed well worth it. Even this past January when I was diagnosed with early stage Fatty Liver Disease, I was specifically told by numerous health care professionals to stop with the cheese...I still longed for her.
Aside from countless moments of pleasure, the only positive thing I ever got from cheese was calcium. This forced me to take a long hard look at my life and where cheese was taking me. Did I have long term potential with cheese? Just how much was I willing to give up to keep cheese in my life? How different or potentially better could my life be if I opened my heart to someone healthier for me? Sure cheese is always up for a good time, but maybe I want more than cheese is able to give me.
This is still an ongoing battle for me, although I think I'm much closer to a conclusion than I was a few years ago. Maybe after all this time I need to just let go. But NO ONE can diminish what we had.
I can't remember the fine details of when we first crossed paths, but I know I was real young and completely unaware of the powers of seduction she would have over me for years to come. To this day I have never put my lips on anything finer. The pleasure, the pain, the pleasure, the pain keeps me in this torturous cycle I'm unable to break from. So many have told me I should know better. I should, sometimes I do, most of the time I don't. If you've ever seen us together than you would know just how happy we can be.
CHEESE.
American. Cheddar. Mozzarella. Fontanella. Brie. Gouda. Pepper Jack. Parmesan. The only kind I ever came across that I didn't enjoy was Blue Cheese. Yuck. Often I would order sandwiches, burgers, and wraps with the explicit instructions "put every kind of cheese you have on it." Their eyes would bulge out of their heads, but I didn't stutter. Give me my cheesy fix dammit!
Indigestion. Constipation. Nausea. Acid reflex. Heartburn. High Cholesterol. When it happened I would swear that it was the last time I indulged in this sordid romance again. My departure was always short and sweet. How could I deny something so good even if it was so bad?! The risk seemed well worth it. Even this past January when I was diagnosed with early stage Fatty Liver Disease, I was specifically told by numerous health care professionals to stop with the cheese...I still longed for her.
Aside from countless moments of pleasure, the only positive thing I ever got from cheese was calcium. This forced me to take a long hard look at my life and where cheese was taking me. Did I have long term potential with cheese? Just how much was I willing to give up to keep cheese in my life? How different or potentially better could my life be if I opened my heart to someone healthier for me? Sure cheese is always up for a good time, but maybe I want more than cheese is able to give me.
This is still an ongoing battle for me, although I think I'm much closer to a conclusion than I was a few years ago. Maybe after all this time I need to just let go. But NO ONE can diminish what we had.
Up the Butt Couples
It's not as kinky as it sounds. We all have met at least one of these couples that can't live, breath, think without the other one by their side doing it with them. One of them will refuse a social invitation if the other one wasn't invited or just as well assume the other one WAS invited and bring them along without asking. Let's rule out reasons of practicality such as they only have one car between them. These couples have made the active choice to be adult Siamese twins. Hence the name up the butt couples.
Pam and Josh. I worked with Pam when I was a copy-editor at a data publishing company. Pam was in the sales department. Coincidentally I had met Josh when I had previously worked for a bank, he was a frequent customer. When I found out they were dating AND they lived down the block from me, I couldn't have been more thrilled. Here's a couple that me and my boyfriend can hang with. They were intelligent, funny, and easy going....that is until I realized they were an up the butt couple.
One day I invited Pam to have lunch with me. She agreed to drive. As soon as we leave the parking lot at work I notice she's going in the opposite direction of the restaurant, a restaurant that is almost across the street from work. I ask her if everything is okay. She replies that she's going to get Josh. Hmmm I didn't invite Josh, I invited Pam to lunch. Never mind that Josh's job is a fifteen minute drive out of the way. When we show up he's not ready, so we wait another 5 minutes. Then it's another fifteen minute drive back to the restaurant. Now we have twenty-five minutes to order, eat, and get back to work on time. This is not a fast food joint, but a nice sit down place where we would have had plenty of time had we been allotted the full hour. I have to admit I had lost my appetite watching them on the other side of the booth "I love you" "No, I love you more" "No, I love you more" throughout the entire meal. As we finish I ask if she can drop me off back at work so I'm not late, I would have walked myself back but it's a four lane highway. She insists on driving Josh back first because he only has a thirty minute lunch which has already run over. Of course it makes sense that all THREE of us should be late.
It was my parents' retirement communities semi-annual parking lot sale. I usually sleep at their place the night before because parking is a bitch the day of. But this year I decided to invite Pam. I explain we have to get there super early and that my parents will be waiting for us. I arrive at her house exactly on time. She explains Josh just got out of the shower and isn't ready yet. Once again, I don't recall the invitation extending to Josh or Pam asking me if Josh could join us. She suggests I wait in my car and they'll be out in about five minutes. I call my parents to tell them we're running a few minutes late. After fifteen minutes of waiting in my car I honk my horn. Josh decides this is rude and he's not going. Pam spends the next ten minutes begging him to still come with us and that she won't go if he won't go. Finally they decide they'll just meet me there.
You may very well think these are the bitter musings of a single gal whose desperately jealous she hasn't found her other half. That's just not the case. Well I think couples should compliment one another, I do believe especially after some of the relationship BS I've been through, that a person should be complete all on their own. Why is it that some people lose their entire identity once they become part of a couple? Did Pam forget who she was for the thirty plus years before she met Josh? And at what point is a line drawn? Will she decline invitations to all female events where Josh clearly can't partake in such as baby showers, bridal showers, a girl's night out? Does she consult him on the clothes she wears, the career choices she pursues, the friends she makes? If he were to go away and she couldn't go with him I imagine she would stay home all depressed and clueless about what to do with herself.
Honestly it's not like we can do anything though. If you've ever known one of these couples then you know to intervene will just unite them even further while alienating yourself from the one you're actually friends with. The best defense is to not become one of these yourself. If you notice you start dressing like your partner, then time to do some serious thinking about who and what you are.
Pam and Josh. I worked with Pam when I was a copy-editor at a data publishing company. Pam was in the sales department. Coincidentally I had met Josh when I had previously worked for a bank, he was a frequent customer. When I found out they were dating AND they lived down the block from me, I couldn't have been more thrilled. Here's a couple that me and my boyfriend can hang with. They were intelligent, funny, and easy going....that is until I realized they were an up the butt couple.
One day I invited Pam to have lunch with me. She agreed to drive. As soon as we leave the parking lot at work I notice she's going in the opposite direction of the restaurant, a restaurant that is almost across the street from work. I ask her if everything is okay. She replies that she's going to get Josh. Hmmm I didn't invite Josh, I invited Pam to lunch. Never mind that Josh's job is a fifteen minute drive out of the way. When we show up he's not ready, so we wait another 5 minutes. Then it's another fifteen minute drive back to the restaurant. Now we have twenty-five minutes to order, eat, and get back to work on time. This is not a fast food joint, but a nice sit down place where we would have had plenty of time had we been allotted the full hour. I have to admit I had lost my appetite watching them on the other side of the booth "I love you" "No, I love you more" "No, I love you more" throughout the entire meal. As we finish I ask if she can drop me off back at work so I'm not late, I would have walked myself back but it's a four lane highway. She insists on driving Josh back first because he only has a thirty minute lunch which has already run over. Of course it makes sense that all THREE of us should be late.
It was my parents' retirement communities semi-annual parking lot sale. I usually sleep at their place the night before because parking is a bitch the day of. But this year I decided to invite Pam. I explain we have to get there super early and that my parents will be waiting for us. I arrive at her house exactly on time. She explains Josh just got out of the shower and isn't ready yet. Once again, I don't recall the invitation extending to Josh or Pam asking me if Josh could join us. She suggests I wait in my car and they'll be out in about five minutes. I call my parents to tell them we're running a few minutes late. After fifteen minutes of waiting in my car I honk my horn. Josh decides this is rude and he's not going. Pam spends the next ten minutes begging him to still come with us and that she won't go if he won't go. Finally they decide they'll just meet me there.
You may very well think these are the bitter musings of a single gal whose desperately jealous she hasn't found her other half. That's just not the case. Well I think couples should compliment one another, I do believe especially after some of the relationship BS I've been through, that a person should be complete all on their own. Why is it that some people lose their entire identity once they become part of a couple? Did Pam forget who she was for the thirty plus years before she met Josh? And at what point is a line drawn? Will she decline invitations to all female events where Josh clearly can't partake in such as baby showers, bridal showers, a girl's night out? Does she consult him on the clothes she wears, the career choices she pursues, the friends she makes? If he were to go away and she couldn't go with him I imagine she would stay home all depressed and clueless about what to do with herself.
Honestly it's not like we can do anything though. If you've ever known one of these couples then you know to intervene will just unite them even further while alienating yourself from the one you're actually friends with. The best defense is to not become one of these yourself. If you notice you start dressing like your partner, then time to do some serious thinking about who and what you are.
Some sweet backhanding
My 21st Century Disney post seemed to be quiet popular. I decided to take some real life examples of friends, family, and myself about some common dating mishaps. We love our girl friends, we do, and no matter how many times they act like idiots by dating even bigger idiots we know we'll be there for them. We'll listen to them brag about these moron's slightly positive attributes while brushing the MASSIVE flaws under the rug. Then we'll comfort them when they cry over what was glaringly obviously coming their way much like an avalanche. As always I never reveal real names. Imagine if we spoke the truth about the men we dated, stopped using rose colored glasses, and said it how it really was....would we still date them?
Jessica: I'm a single mom. I fell in love with someone, accidentally got pregnant and three weeks before the baby was due he left me. Less than two months later I found someone else though. I fell in love with him, but after about 8 months of dating he decided he wasn't into it anymore. Three weeks later I found someone else. My baby is my top priority, but I'm young and should be allowed to take care of me too. I'm a woman with needs.
Patricia: I met this guy, fresh out of prison. He's bringing income in by dealing drugs, the very thing that got him in prison twice before. He's got five kids by three different women. He's been absent from his kid's lives but it's not really his fault, he was in prison most of that time. He's still married to baby mama #2 and hasn't made any efforts in over 10 years to get divorced even though he had a kid with another woman during that time. I think he'll be a good father if we had a kid together.
Candice: I met this guy off craigslist. Currently he's living in a 1/2 way house recovering from a crack addiction. He has no car, no job, and no money. He's got a 10 year old with his ex-wife that he hasn't consistently seen over the years because he's been too busy getting high or ending up in rehab. He stole from his last GF of 6 years, nothing major: her checkbook, her TV, and her car. He constantly sexually rejects me, but he's into Internet porn. Even though he's cheated on everyone he's ever been with I don't think he'll cheat on me. He's a great cook and a handyman, so I see this going real far.
Dana: I'm so sick of men and all the drama they bring, so I decided to go the other way. I met this hot chick off the Internet. She's got two kids with two different men. Her first baby daddy was over forty years old when she was sixteen. She actually just got pregnant again recently and isn't 100% sure who that dad is. She's been in jail a couple of times for domestic violence issues that usually involved drinking. I don't know, there's just something about her that draws me in.
Sue: I was flirting with this co-worker of mine, he caught my eye. I've dated co-workers in the past and it always blows up in my face, but I just feel this time will be different. He seems different. I work full time, but in my spare time I'm going to school to get my MBA. He spends all his spare time drinking and getting high although sometimes he likes to go camping where he'll drink and get high. He's 35 and has two roommates, one being his sister. I have my own place. But I really think we're on the same page about what we want.
Candice revisited: So things didn't work out with the other guy, but now I'm dating his friend. He has a job, an apartment, and some money. He's on parole though so he has a curfew and when he sleeps over he has to ask for permission. The parole thing isn't even that serious; he stole someones car, went drunk driving, and totaled it. Everyone makes mistakes. He's a recovering alcoholic. The way he stays away from alcohol is compensating with weed. Sometimes you gotta think outside the box. No car and no license. But no one's perfect right?
Alicia: Back in college I used to date manipulative and controlling men, but Dennis is different. He told me before we could get serious I needed to get a job, financially establish myself, and learn to live on my own. When I finally found my own place he told me his lease was up and he was moving in. Then he told me decorations he didn't like in my apartment that I should get rid of. He says I don't spend enough time with him and wants me to quit the league I'm president of. The other day he told me I was taking him to the airport, but wouldn't give me any flight details until a few hours before so I had to sit around waiting. He's just trying to help give me some positive direction and we're both happy when I listen to him.
Melissa: I've been dating my daughter's orthodontist for a couple of weeks now. I don't think it'll get awkward though.being a single mom limits my dating pool, but he's divorced and has kids of his own too. He's about twenty years older than me and told me on our first date that he wants me to stop taking birth control so we can have a baby together. I'm in love, so I think I'm going to do it!
Heather: There's this club I like to go to with my girls. The bouncer caught my eye and made sure my friends knew all about it. We started having sex on the downlow because he's private and doesn't want people knowing his bussiness. Then I found out he has a girlfriend, went public with her,and she was one of my friends! I got the upper hand though because even though he's dating her, he's still having sex with me.
Sometimes, just sometimes, we all need a good backhand from our friends.
Jessica: I'm a single mom. I fell in love with someone, accidentally got pregnant and three weeks before the baby was due he left me. Less than two months later I found someone else though. I fell in love with him, but after about 8 months of dating he decided he wasn't into it anymore. Three weeks later I found someone else. My baby is my top priority, but I'm young and should be allowed to take care of me too. I'm a woman with needs.
Patricia: I met this guy, fresh out of prison. He's bringing income in by dealing drugs, the very thing that got him in prison twice before. He's got five kids by three different women. He's been absent from his kid's lives but it's not really his fault, he was in prison most of that time. He's still married to baby mama #2 and hasn't made any efforts in over 10 years to get divorced even though he had a kid with another woman during that time. I think he'll be a good father if we had a kid together.
Candice: I met this guy off craigslist. Currently he's living in a 1/2 way house recovering from a crack addiction. He has no car, no job, and no money. He's got a 10 year old with his ex-wife that he hasn't consistently seen over the years because he's been too busy getting high or ending up in rehab. He stole from his last GF of 6 years, nothing major: her checkbook, her TV, and her car. He constantly sexually rejects me, but he's into Internet porn. Even though he's cheated on everyone he's ever been with I don't think he'll cheat on me. He's a great cook and a handyman, so I see this going real far.
Dana: I'm so sick of men and all the drama they bring, so I decided to go the other way. I met this hot chick off the Internet. She's got two kids with two different men. Her first baby daddy was over forty years old when she was sixteen. She actually just got pregnant again recently and isn't 100% sure who that dad is. She's been in jail a couple of times for domestic violence issues that usually involved drinking. I don't know, there's just something about her that draws me in.
Sue: I was flirting with this co-worker of mine, he caught my eye. I've dated co-workers in the past and it always blows up in my face, but I just feel this time will be different. He seems different. I work full time, but in my spare time I'm going to school to get my MBA. He spends all his spare time drinking and getting high although sometimes he likes to go camping where he'll drink and get high. He's 35 and has two roommates, one being his sister. I have my own place. But I really think we're on the same page about what we want.
Candice revisited: So things didn't work out with the other guy, but now I'm dating his friend. He has a job, an apartment, and some money. He's on parole though so he has a curfew and when he sleeps over he has to ask for permission. The parole thing isn't even that serious; he stole someones car, went drunk driving, and totaled it. Everyone makes mistakes. He's a recovering alcoholic. The way he stays away from alcohol is compensating with weed. Sometimes you gotta think outside the box. No car and no license. But no one's perfect right?
Alicia: Back in college I used to date manipulative and controlling men, but Dennis is different. He told me before we could get serious I needed to get a job, financially establish myself, and learn to live on my own. When I finally found my own place he told me his lease was up and he was moving in. Then he told me decorations he didn't like in my apartment that I should get rid of. He says I don't spend enough time with him and wants me to quit the league I'm president of. The other day he told me I was taking him to the airport, but wouldn't give me any flight details until a few hours before so I had to sit around waiting. He's just trying to help give me some positive direction and we're both happy when I listen to him.
Melissa: I've been dating my daughter's orthodontist for a couple of weeks now. I don't think it'll get awkward though.being a single mom limits my dating pool, but he's divorced and has kids of his own too. He's about twenty years older than me and told me on our first date that he wants me to stop taking birth control so we can have a baby together. I'm in love, so I think I'm going to do it!
Heather: There's this club I like to go to with my girls. The bouncer caught my eye and made sure my friends knew all about it. We started having sex on the downlow because he's private and doesn't want people knowing his bussiness. Then I found out he has a girlfriend, went public with her,and she was one of my friends! I got the upper hand though because even though he's dating her, he's still having sex with me.
Sometimes, just sometimes, we all need a good backhand from our friends.
Interpretations
***Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent****
Dear Katie,
Yesterday you attacked my character via email. Something I had been doing for a while had gotten underneath your skin and instead of approaching me face to face like an adult so we can discuss this, you verbally assaulted me via email like the coward you are. You felt I was speaking about you and your family in derogatory terms when I stated "I admire you and your situation."
To me "situation" is not an inherently bad word. This is in fact a word that my friends, my family, and myself use on a fairly regular basis to refer to a multitude of scenarios. The key is to know who is saying it and why they are saying it to understand what context it's ebing used it. This is a concept that seems to elude you. Clearly when someone tells you they admire you they must be putting you down? Or at least that's how you see it because "admire" is such an ugly/dirty word. Since you seem to be prejudice to "situation" I'll give you some examples:
When asking about what plans are going on that night... "So what's the situation?"
When asking for an update "What's the latest situation?"
When describing something I'm experiencing good/bad/other "Here's the situation..."
You may even recall a TV show we both watch where a guy refers to himself as "The Situation". I highly doubt he's referring to himself in a derogatory fashion.
When I pointed out that I don't look down on you based on how often I compliment and praise you, you questioned the intention of my compliments therefore implying I may be insincere. This has offended me. Then after I apologized several times for an OBVIOUS MISUNDERSTANDING you stated "You are not who I thought you were. I thought you were a compassionate person who I could talk to, clearly I was wrong."
Since you are so convinced I am a disingenuous, phony, and two faced person yet you had zero evidence to provide when I asked you for it...let me provide some examples for you.
1A. The second time we ever hung out YOU invited ME out for drinks. Not only did you pick me up two hours later than we had previously discussed, but on your way to come pick me up you had the audacity to ask me to lend you $20. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but when Person A asks Person B out, is it okay for Person A to then ask Person B to pay for it? I lent you the money assuming it was a one time thing but boy was I wrong.
B. After spending a wonderful Saturday together, you text me 8:30 at night and ask to borrow $20. Since you are currently without a car, I woudl ahve to drive out to you. You explain that you need to get juice for your kids and your daughter wants to go to the movies with her friends. I explain to you I'm at home in my pajamas relaxing with my pets. I'd have to put the pets away, get some clothes on, drive to an ATM, and then drive to your house to give you the money. Obviously this is a major inconvenience for me...your response is "So can you do it?" Some words come to mind: selfish and inconsiderate being two of them. I tell you "no".
C. You make lunch plans with a friend but realize you don't have money to pay for yourself. You ask me to borrow $5. Not only is this the third time in a one month period you've asked me for money, but it's for a lunch you didn't even invite me to. After delaying in giving you a response because I'm so offended, you send me a nasty email about how I left you hanging. I say "no" to this request.
D. The fourth and final request for money is the weekend after we went to an amusement park. You ask for $20 because you have no gas in your car. I tell you "no". I'm still trying to figure out how I turned into a potential ATM for you. I should have never said "yes" that first time because I set up a precedence for you to think you can ask me on a regular basis.
2. You confided in me that someone you trusted had spread rumors about you and caused a lot of unnecessary drama between you and some of your co-workers. You were hurt by this person's actions. You even have colorful words for what you thought of this person. Yet on a daily basis I see the two of you talking, laughing, hanging out. You explain to me she's just a surface level friend, you'll be social with her but won't trust her again. You're right, I'M the disingenuous, two faced, phony one.
3.You give me $5 and ask me to drive down the road to go get your family some ice cream. Your toddler wants to go with me, but I explain I don't have a car seat. You say it's okay because it's just down the street. After the fact I find out from friends and family that I could have gotten fined, a ticket, or even possibly arrested for child endangerment. Thank you for once again thinking of someone besides yourself, oh wait you didn't! And when you claim to be a super mom who puts your kids above all others, you put your child's life in danger for ice cream. You have been in the car with me twice, so hwo do you know what kind of driver I am?
We have this beautiful thing called free will. You are completely within your rights to think or say whatever you want about me no matter how delusional it is. You can make a character assessment based on the misinterpretation of a word. Thankfully I have actual examples of who you are on my side. You did me a favor once and for all proving why I don't need someone like you in my life.
Good Luck and Good Riddance.
Laura
Dear Katie,
Yesterday you attacked my character via email. Something I had been doing for a while had gotten underneath your skin and instead of approaching me face to face like an adult so we can discuss this, you verbally assaulted me via email like the coward you are. You felt I was speaking about you and your family in derogatory terms when I stated "I admire you and your situation."
To me "situation" is not an inherently bad word. This is in fact a word that my friends, my family, and myself use on a fairly regular basis to refer to a multitude of scenarios. The key is to know who is saying it and why they are saying it to understand what context it's ebing used it. This is a concept that seems to elude you. Clearly when someone tells you they admire you they must be putting you down? Or at least that's how you see it because "admire" is such an ugly/dirty word. Since you seem to be prejudice to "situation" I'll give you some examples:
When asking about what plans are going on that night... "So what's the situation?"
When asking for an update "What's the latest situation?"
When describing something I'm experiencing good/bad/other "Here's the situation..."
You may even recall a TV show we both watch where a guy refers to himself as "The Situation". I highly doubt he's referring to himself in a derogatory fashion.
When I pointed out that I don't look down on you based on how often I compliment and praise you, you questioned the intention of my compliments therefore implying I may be insincere. This has offended me. Then after I apologized several times for an OBVIOUS MISUNDERSTANDING you stated "You are not who I thought you were. I thought you were a compassionate person who I could talk to, clearly I was wrong."
Since you are so convinced I am a disingenuous, phony, and two faced person yet you had zero evidence to provide when I asked you for it...let me provide some examples for you.
1A. The second time we ever hung out YOU invited ME out for drinks. Not only did you pick me up two hours later than we had previously discussed, but on your way to come pick me up you had the audacity to ask me to lend you $20. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but when Person A asks Person B out, is it okay for Person A to then ask Person B to pay for it? I lent you the money assuming it was a one time thing but boy was I wrong.
B. After spending a wonderful Saturday together, you text me 8:30 at night and ask to borrow $20. Since you are currently without a car, I woudl ahve to drive out to you. You explain that you need to get juice for your kids and your daughter wants to go to the movies with her friends. I explain to you I'm at home in my pajamas relaxing with my pets. I'd have to put the pets away, get some clothes on, drive to an ATM, and then drive to your house to give you the money. Obviously this is a major inconvenience for me...your response is "So can you do it?" Some words come to mind: selfish and inconsiderate being two of them. I tell you "no".
C. You make lunch plans with a friend but realize you don't have money to pay for yourself. You ask me to borrow $5. Not only is this the third time in a one month period you've asked me for money, but it's for a lunch you didn't even invite me to. After delaying in giving you a response because I'm so offended, you send me a nasty email about how I left you hanging. I say "no" to this request.
D. The fourth and final request for money is the weekend after we went to an amusement park. You ask for $20 because you have no gas in your car. I tell you "no". I'm still trying to figure out how I turned into a potential ATM for you. I should have never said "yes" that first time because I set up a precedence for you to think you can ask me on a regular basis.
2. You confided in me that someone you trusted had spread rumors about you and caused a lot of unnecessary drama between you and some of your co-workers. You were hurt by this person's actions. You even have colorful words for what you thought of this person. Yet on a daily basis I see the two of you talking, laughing, hanging out. You explain to me she's just a surface level friend, you'll be social with her but won't trust her again. You're right, I'M the disingenuous, two faced, phony one.
3.You give me $5 and ask me to drive down the road to go get your family some ice cream. Your toddler wants to go with me, but I explain I don't have a car seat. You say it's okay because it's just down the street. After the fact I find out from friends and family that I could have gotten fined, a ticket, or even possibly arrested for child endangerment. Thank you for once again thinking of someone besides yourself, oh wait you didn't! And when you claim to be a super mom who puts your kids above all others, you put your child's life in danger for ice cream. You have been in the car with me twice, so hwo do you know what kind of driver I am?
We have this beautiful thing called free will. You are completely within your rights to think or say whatever you want about me no matter how delusional it is. You can make a character assessment based on the misinterpretation of a word. Thankfully I have actual examples of who you are on my side. You did me a favor once and for all proving why I don't need someone like you in my life.
Good Luck and Good Riddance.
Laura
Fresh Wounds
This morning I got a private message on Facebook from his mom. She told me he had moved to Utah and hoped I was well. It opened the barely healed wound right back up. I can't be mad at her though, you see she's socially retarded and honestly doesn't get that I can't have anything to do with her son anymore. Even the mention of his name has an effect on me. Time will make things easier but right now its only been a few weeks.
The proper reaction would have been to delete her message without responding. Instead I text his friend Kevin with a parade of questions: Why did he go to Utah? How did he get out there? Was he still the best man at his friend's wedding a couple weeks ago?
My friend Ilana tells me I need to stop communicating with my ex's friends and mom. She's right. It's not healthy for me. Why should I care about him anymore when he has shown no interest in me or my well being? He's the one who broke my heart. He's the one who name called, belittled, and berated me not only when we broke up but at various points throughout our relationship as well.
And I had moved on, or so I thought I had. Immediately upon ending the relationship I blocked him on Facebook and through my cell phone carrier. I wanted a clean break. You see I'm the queen of painfully dragging shit out. It took me three years to realize my marriage was toxic before I finally grew a pair and took action. Roller coaster break up then make up then break up again girl. An ugly pattern I finally had to put a stop to.
Here's the problem....my huge heart. I have never in my life been able to just let go of or turn off my feelings. When I let someone into my heart it's nearly impossible to evict them completely. I care way too much about people who couldn't give two shits about me. My ex isn't sitting around crying over me. He isn't torturing himself over what went wrong. He closed that door, like they all do, and moved on to another situation more to his liking probably with another girl.
I don't trust men romantically. I'm not some evil man hater by any means. Fortunately I have three close male friends, a father, and a brother who have shown me time and time again that there are wonderful men out there. Not only have they been amazing towards me, but equally amazing to their leading ladies as well. I have just had the worst luck in my own love life and I take complete responsibility. No one forces me to date these men, that choice rests completely on my shoulders. I dive in head first before I get to know who they really are. Not so surprisingly it blows up in my face every time when they turn out to be a complete fabrication of who I actually thought they were. I ignore blaring red flags, I settle for less than what I want or deserve, I make bad choices....the same bad choices over and over and over again.
This is why I need to be on my own. This is why I need time to build myself up. This is why I need time to heal. This is why I have decided to bow out of the dating world until I'm good and ready, until I can trust my own instincts and judgments.
The proper reaction would have been to delete her message without responding. Instead I text his friend Kevin with a parade of questions: Why did he go to Utah? How did he get out there? Was he still the best man at his friend's wedding a couple weeks ago?
My friend Ilana tells me I need to stop communicating with my ex's friends and mom. She's right. It's not healthy for me. Why should I care about him anymore when he has shown no interest in me or my well being? He's the one who broke my heart. He's the one who name called, belittled, and berated me not only when we broke up but at various points throughout our relationship as well.
And I had moved on, or so I thought I had. Immediately upon ending the relationship I blocked him on Facebook and through my cell phone carrier. I wanted a clean break. You see I'm the queen of painfully dragging shit out. It took me three years to realize my marriage was toxic before I finally grew a pair and took action. Roller coaster break up then make up then break up again girl. An ugly pattern I finally had to put a stop to.
Here's the problem....my huge heart. I have never in my life been able to just let go of or turn off my feelings. When I let someone into my heart it's nearly impossible to evict them completely. I care way too much about people who couldn't give two shits about me. My ex isn't sitting around crying over me. He isn't torturing himself over what went wrong. He closed that door, like they all do, and moved on to another situation more to his liking probably with another girl.
I don't trust men romantically. I'm not some evil man hater by any means. Fortunately I have three close male friends, a father, and a brother who have shown me time and time again that there are wonderful men out there. Not only have they been amazing towards me, but equally amazing to their leading ladies as well. I have just had the worst luck in my own love life and I take complete responsibility. No one forces me to date these men, that choice rests completely on my shoulders. I dive in head first before I get to know who they really are. Not so surprisingly it blows up in my face every time when they turn out to be a complete fabrication of who I actually thought they were. I ignore blaring red flags, I settle for less than what I want or deserve, I make bad choices....the same bad choices over and over and over again.
This is why I need to be on my own. This is why I need time to build myself up. This is why I need time to heal. This is why I have decided to bow out of the dating world until I'm good and ready, until I can trust my own instincts and judgments.
Mug Thieves and Integrity
This is a blog whose pure intention is to rant. Feeling a bit drowsy at work I decided to get my quick caffeine fix and found that someone had stolen my mug. There is nothing particularly special about this mug, it was a freebie I got my first day working at MVP, but it's the principal. Someone went into my desk, riffled through my things, and decided my mug was now their mug. Really?!
What's wrong with people? Were you suffering that badly from a lack of caffeine and lack of cup that you went through my drawers and took mine? There is a key to my desk which I will be using from now on to insure other shit isn't stolen. You may wonder why I haven't been using my key all along and it's because I don't leave anything of real value in my desk. Now I know there are people/a person who goes through people's desks...the key will be fully utilized.
Apparently at this job people steal lunches too! We have a break room with a giant fridge that most people put their lunches, snacks, ect in. How sad that someone would take someone else's lunch? Are things really that bad? To be here the person has to be fully employed, so they can't afford something from the vending machine? How pathetic! Obviously their low morals have put them in a position where they have no friends to share food with or borrow a couple bucks from. I would rather go hungry than steal from someone else.
I would like to thank Dolly who gave me her spare mug. She is a kind individual. As for the person who stole my mug, I hope whatever you drank in my mug gave you explosive diarrhea.
What's wrong with people? Were you suffering that badly from a lack of caffeine and lack of cup that you went through my drawers and took mine? There is a key to my desk which I will be using from now on to insure other shit isn't stolen. You may wonder why I haven't been using my key all along and it's because I don't leave anything of real value in my desk. Now I know there are people/a person who goes through people's desks...the key will be fully utilized.
Apparently at this job people steal lunches too! We have a break room with a giant fridge that most people put their lunches, snacks, ect in. How sad that someone would take someone else's lunch? Are things really that bad? To be here the person has to be fully employed, so they can't afford something from the vending machine? How pathetic! Obviously their low morals have put them in a position where they have no friends to share food with or borrow a couple bucks from. I would rather go hungry than steal from someone else.
I would like to thank Dolly who gave me her spare mug. She is a kind individual. As for the person who stole my mug, I hope whatever you drank in my mug gave you explosive diarrhea.
About Me
- ElbieNy25
- "Scars are proof that we were brave enough to fight the battle and strong enough to survive it"-me 2008 Unfortunately/fortunately I have many scars from life, but I'm still here. I've been writing for over twenty years and just recently finished my first manuscript entitled "The Journey". I love peopl; they fascinate me with their stories, quirks, and mysterious ways.