Thanks, but no thanks

I have often wondered if any of the guys I used to be involved with think of me from time to time. It's more a hope that they have happy thoughts about me and the good times we shared as oppose to "Laura that evil wench!" Even the worst dating experiences had some glimmer of positive that have managed to bring a smile to my face.

Well my question was finally answered last night. This guy I dated last spring messaged me on match.com:

So I was trimming my rose bush (great that the former owner of my home was probably a gardener)...and saw RED BUDS! This winter is so odd.

How are you today? Is this add current? I did really like you and I'm not afraid to say it.


Sounds like a sweet email right? The problem is there was no apology for the horrible way he treated me. I guess he IS afraid to admit he was wrong. I felt the best response to his email was no response, but I still needed to get some things off my chest so obviously I'm going to blog about it. In no particular order here are the reasons I would NEVER EVER date him again. (Some of these will sound familiar as I have blogged about him a couple times before)

1. He said "all religions are bullshit and I was a fuckin idiot for believing in one."

2. He bragged about being the "Village Whore", his words and not mine. Said he stopped counting how many women he had been with after forty. He also bragged and found it funny that he had had sex with at least three of my co-workers.

3. He wants to have multiple sexual partners at the same time, not use condoms, and expects all women he's hooking up with to not hook up with anyone else. To mark his territory he left giant bruises all over my chest. I don't believe in multiple partners at the same time so this action was not only painful, but completely unnecessary. He told me a story about a girl he "cut off" because he caught her with another guy. Some key points here are that they weren't in an exclusive relationship and he was hooking up with several other women while he was dating her. I think this was more his pride was hurt that she wasn't sitting around home waiting around for him.

4. The one and only time I came over to his house he was peeing in the front yard just because he felt like it. His house was only ten feet behind him. And yes he did have a fully functioning toilet inside, he just preferred to use his yard. An unpleasant image comes to mind of him taking a dump in his yard too.

5. He brags about being a home owner, but takes no pride in the upkeep of his home. The place had no furniture and was grimy. During a sleep over we stayed on the floor sharing a stained pillow with no case and a blanket his rabbits used as a chew toy. Boy he knew how to make a girl feel special!

6. Complete arrogance. He would spend hours talking about how he's so much smarter than his professor and that's why he should be teaching the class. Or that he wanted to adopt a teenage boy, teach him all he knows about life, and then send him on his way to conquer the world.

7. He made fun of a serious medical condition I have. I don't need to elaborate here. It was a dick thing to do.

8. One day I had worked a nine hour shift, held a book club meeting, and ran a Girl Scout meeting. By the time we got together later that night I was so exhausted I could barely stand up straight. However I accompanied him on an errand to go get his medicine. Afterwards I just wanted to go home and lay down. He asked me if we could hit up a bar to enter a contest for free concert tickets. I told him I was too tired. He called me selfish.

9. I consider myself a fairly liberal person especially when it comes to things like occasionally smoking pot. He was a bit excessive though needing to smoke pot about half a dozen times a day including while driving. Bonus points: he has severe asthma.

10. I don't own a home, I rent an apartment, but I take great pride in how it looks. He was the first person to walk into my home and NOT compliment the effort I put into the decor. Instead, you guessed it, he made fun of it and called me materialistic.

11. Classic example of a guy who has watched way too much porn. 9/10 women do NOT like getting sprayed in the face with a guys load. 9/10 women do NOT like their furniture and expensive bedspread getting sprayed either. But if a guy insists on doing it he should A. ask the woman if it's okay before he does it AND B. offer to clean up the mess afterwards. Obviously he just assumed I would like it as much as him and when I complained about the mess he just made fun of me.

12. We all have our "things", but his was just plain weird. I am personally not a fan of feet, but he takes his dislike to a whole other level. My feet needed to have socks on them at all times no matter what. He even said that if we ever went to the beach together I would need to wear socks too. Once we were both reaching the point of climax when he noticed I was barefoot. He pulled out immediately and ordered me to put on some socks. Wow, there are no words...

13. Maybe it's all the pot he smoked, but this guy was a bit delusional. He told me a story about a date he went on with a girl a while back. She was clearly not interested in him and ditched him somewhere between the restaurant and the club they were supposed to go to. He told her to "lose his number". What made him think she was ever planning on calling him again? This was some pathetic attempt to make sure he came out as the one who walked away. Also he claimed she must have not liked him beacuse he was short. I am sure it had nothing to do with his arrogance, disregard for other people's feelings, or strong desire to put down people that think/act differently from him.

14. The biggest affront would be the nasty email he sent me on Facebook. I ended things with him after only a week of "dating". He continually sent me texts asking me to hook up with him. I will admit I gave in once, but then made it clear NEVER again when immediatly after sex he started making fun of me: religion, medical condition, materialism. He even texted me while he was on a date with another girl to tell me "I bet she can't fuck like you." How am I supposed to feel about that?

A few weeks after I ended things with him there was a misunderstanding between myself and a mutual friend of his that did not involve him in ANY way what so-ever. Yet he insisted on sending me this long nasty email about seeing me for who I am and my true colors. When the issue was resolved I responded to his email to tell him it was all a big misunderstanding. He sent another nasty email about the kind of person I really was. And that he was "disconnecting" me from his life.

I guess I'm a bit confused. Didn't I already "disconnect" him when I ended things after only a week and continually rejected his sexual advances? This is clearly a fragile male pride issue. Please see #13, this must be a pattern of his.



So I am sure you can imagine my surprise when he emailed me that he really liked me. He never even took the time to get to know me since his #1 priority was having as much sex with me as possible. I remember asking him if we could skip on the sex and just hang out getting to know each other....he responded "What's the point?" And the little bits of me he did learn about he made fun of. But now on match.com he's listed me as one of his favorites, hit the "like" button on some of my pictures, and emailed me that he's not afraid to admit he really liked me. Whatever!