Raw

His cold green eyes pierced right through her as his venomous words shouted, "Well now you can go out and fuck whoever you want you selfish slut."

It was as if it had just happened, but it had been months since Jake left her life. It's not fair to call them nightmares because they happened during the day too. The ugly memories stung like a fresh slap right across her face. And it was hard to know just what would trigger them: a customer calling in with the same first name, a commercial advertising the TV show they used to watch together, cleaning out drawers and finding a random sock he left behind. Maybe he was physically gone, but his essence was everywhere.

The best way to describe Jake, con-artist. She was not his first victim and definitely wouldn't be his last. He knew how to find a mark, reel her in, then go in for the kill. It all started because she met him at a point of extreme vulnerability; her six year relationship had just ended and She honestly believed she could never love or trust again. Not really that uncommon a story, is it? Low on both cash and self esteem she posted an ad on craigslist looking to make some new friends. Although she received several responses, it was Jake's that intrigued her the most. He too had just gotten out of a six year relationship and he too was scared to trust again. Did men really admit these things? None that she personally knew.

The first night they had sex she opened up to him emotionally too. She told him how good it felt to be in a man's arms again, a man who desired her. He held her tight and told her that he never wanted to let her go. He opened up that he feared she would judge him because of his circumstances: a recovering alcoholic living at a halfway house. She explained she was in no position to judge and admired his honesty with her. This was the highest point of the relationship and she had no clue what a beast this seemingly gentle man really was.

Over the course of the next six months she rode the roller coaster of his moods swings. If he was in a good mood he was loving, affectionate, and sweet. When he had his bad days which were far more regular than his good days he became verbally abusive, cold, and manipulative. Somehow every argument they had was her fault, somehow she was always the one begging for his forgiveness. One time during sex he laughed at her and told her she needed to shave her pits. She cried and he told her she was being too sensitive.

He wouldn't call when he said he would. He wouldn't text when he said he would. Sometimes he canceled plans at the last minute. The day she first told him she loved him he shrugged and said, "That's nice." And he constantly sexually rejected her showing more interest in what was on TV than what was lying right in front of him. Not once had her called her beautiful or sexy, words he often used to describe material things such as his motorcycle or a big screen TV he saw at Bestbuy. She remained patient and understanding; this really came from a sense of desperation to hold onto him because she believed he was the only one who would have her.

After three months of dating he pressured her into moving in together. He explained how his insurance had run out, they were kicking him out of the halfway house, and he had nowhere to go. Of course she took him in. Two weeks later he didn't come home. When she tried calling him it went straight to voicemail. It was when she called his mother worried about what had happened to him that she found out the full truth: he was NOT a recovering alcoholic, he was a crack addict who had been battling the addiction for 10 years.

The next morning Jake had sobered up enough to call her and beg for her forgiveness. Jake was the master con-artist. He dropped the L-bomb and she was completely lost in his world again...until the night of her 31st birthday one month later. No cake, no cards, no present, and no Jake. He was off getting high while she spent all day sobbing over her stupidity. Jake didn't love her, he didn't even like her. The only thing he loved were his drugs.

There's a saying, "A woman is like tea, you don't know how strong she is until she's in hot water." She called a 24/7 locksmith and had the locks to their apartment changed. Then she made two trips down to his job where she dropped off all his things packaged in giant garbage bags. Lastly she texted him what she had done, right after called the cell phone company to have his number blocked. That night she allowed her self one last good cry and the next morning called a therapist.

It's going to be a long hard road to get to where she needs to go, but she needs to be brave enough to take that first step. It's been six months since she last heard or saw from Jake yet that doesn't stop those thoughts: is he okay or more importantly is she okay? She's okay right now, but that could change tomorrow. Time heals all wounds, even ones as deep as these.