Some Letter's Are Better Left Unsent

***Name has been changed***


Dear Jasper,

I recognize that sometimes when things in our life don't go the way we had hoped or expected, it is easier to place blame on others. Although this may be a quick temporary fix, in the end accepting responsibility for our actions is the only way we can begin to heal, reflect, and move forward.

I would like to take the opportunity to apologize for my contributions to what happened between us. When we first got together I explained I wasn't ready for a relationship, yet after less than two weeks I faltered. It was not a smart move on my part to jump into something without first getting to know you. Additionally I should not have stayed in the relationship when I felt you weren't treating me right. That was my choice to stick things out even after it was clear things weren't going to change. It was obviously the wrong choice. The best thing I can take from this is learning that right now I need time to myself and in the future I need to honestly take the time to build a friendship with someone before anything romantic happens. Additionally I need to be strong enough to walk away when things don't feel right no matter how much I may care about the person.

You blame me for "fucking up your life", but you need to take a long hard look at yourself just as I did and see how you contributed to your own circumstances. You were a recovering alcoholic who had been fortunate enough to secure both a job and a place of residence that were dependent on you remaining sober. You made the choice to smoke pot EVERY day about half a dozen times a day. You made the choice to start drinking again. When it was reported to your employer, first by your neighbors: you came stumbling home so drunk that you couldn't get your keys in the front door, then you fell down your front steps and literally busted your head. The second report was by me after discovering you had been using me falsly as an alibi to skip your AA meetings in order to go drinking. Your employer gave you a choice to go into a recovery program or you would lose your job and home. YOU made the choice not to go into recovery. You also abandoned the dog you had adopted three weeks prior so that you could get high and drunk every day while crashing at your friend's place.

Another point that needs to be addressed is how you feel I was the one that "deliberately sabotaged the relationship because I was afraid to take the next step." You are right, I didn't want to take the next step with you but the reasons are different than what you think. I have a history of dating abusive and manipulative men; although I can recognize that everyone has an off day, there are some things that are unacceptable. Some examples: volunteering my car to drive your friend apartment hunting without asking me, cursing me out in a pizzeria, after I drove out of my way to pick you up from work to spend two hours with you before we have to go to bed you spending thirty minutes talking to a friend about partying on the phone then snapping at me when I asked you to please get off the phone claining "it was a very important phone call and couldn't wait" I apologize for failing to realize teh dire need to discuss planning a bacherolor party, asking me to lie to your friends about your smoking pot, using me an alibi to go smoke pot and get drunk, asking me to drive to pick you up because you have no money for the bus because you spent it all on pot, in a 3 month relationship where we always used my car for everything because you didn't have one and you only giving/offering me gas three times, bringing up my ex-boyfriend in a fight and throwing him in my face, name calling of any kind, showing up two hours late to plans we had with my parents beacuse you were out late partying the night before, and the final straw was making plans with me then leaving me hanging for 2 & 1/2 hours because you went to go smoke pot and get drunk.

You were barely a year sober, or not really, and financially unstable yet you were pushing me to have a kid with you. We had only been dating for two months at that point. You stated you didn't want to marry me or live with me, but we should have a baby together. When I disagreed your reply was "Well if you're not going to, then I need to find someone who will." GIANT RED FLAG, that I ignored. Or you telling me I should quit my job, pack up my apartment,and move to Florida with you because you want to live in Florida. This shows your impulsive nature and lack of maturity on both accounts. This is where I need to accept responsibility for KNOWING you were not the guy for me, yet I stuck around.

I wish you well and do hope you can get cleaned up enough to turn your life around. I now know I deserve so much more than you could have ever given me.