Real Men Don't Cuddle Puppies

***More from Caleb's point of view***

Most guys don't like to admit their vulnerabilities. We're a product of this society that tells us we have to kill people like Rambo or at least beat up people like Rocky. Basically we have to embody some Sylvestor Stallone movie persona. Real men don't cry at long distance commercials or cuddle with puppies or make the active choice to go see a romantic comedy without some girl dragging them to it. We grunt, burp, hang posters of half naked women on our walls, scratch ourselves, hunt things, argue over whose sport's team is best, and drink lots of beer with our buffalo wings. These are the rules and one must not deviate or he will be mocked mercilessly by his friends.

Sorry to disapoint but I'm not like most guys;although I'm proud of the guys I am like. My brother, my father, and I all cried when my mom fought breast cancer. She won the battle by the way and has been in remission for seven years. We've always had a family dog that really is part of the family. When I moved out of my parents house I still came by almost daily to visit the dog....and my parents too. I have actually fantasized about my wedding day, not the specifics like flowers or place settings cause I know nothing about that stuff, but when and where and who the girl might be. And one of my biggest goals in life is to have kids. I only hope I can be even half as amazing to those kids as my parents were to me.

Real men don't admit they have fears. We kill spiders and investigate scary noises in the dark. Once again I am not like most men. You know what scares me? Lila scares me. She was married once before, owned a home with that man, and they even tried to start a family together. They say you never forget your first. This was a person she thought she would spend the rest of her life with and it didn't work out, so how do you ever really know? Sarah hurt me, but I can't imagine pledging forever to someone and then backing out of it all. I don't know the guy Lila was married to and I don't want to judge him; I just don't get it. What if that happened with Lila and me? Not that we're anywheres close to that point but I wouldn't be with her if the thought hadn't crossed my mind.

"Dad how did you know mom was the one?"

"I just did. No one had ever lifted my heart the way she did." See what I mean about the men in my life being less than typical? Most men don't talk like that. "Do you think Lila is the one?"

"I don't know. I hope so. I really care about her, she makes me laugh so hard it hurts. Her smile makes me smile." What I didn't tell my dad was that I had fallen in love with her. Call me old fashioned, but I wanted her to be the one to hear it for the first time.

Love scares me. Being in love with Lila scares me. Opening up my heart again and putting myself in the most vulnerable place scares me. The biggest fear of all is not being with her. I don't want to be that guy who gets in his own way and misses out on what could be the most amazing thing ever.

When it comes to my job I have a strong level of confidence. I know how to fix, take apart, put back together or build from scratch virtually anything. It's a deep instinct I've always had with me. When it comes to women, especially this woman, I am a complete mess. Words become jumbled in my head and trust me when I say I have zero swagger. Add that to the fact that Lila is more sexually and romantically experienced then me...intimidation doesn't even begin to explain it.

But I wasn't nervous our first time like I thought I would be. We took a romantic trip away together; nothing fancy, just a weekend to Niagara Falls where neither of us have been before. I'll admit that I was hopeful it might happen although I wasn't expecting it. Lila and I had had many sleepovers just without the sex so naturally we shared a room with a king sized bed. That night started out like any other night between us: passionate kissing, above the clothes caressing, slowly peeling away the clothes. It felt so incredible to be so close to her, to feel her warm body pressed against mine. To taste her, to hold her, to be with her. It had never been like this with Sarah. At the risk of completely losing my man card, we made love that night. A few times actually. And in that moment our different life experiences didn't matter, it was just the two of us and nothing else mattered.

Afterwards as I watched her sleep I whispered into her hair, "I'm not afraid anymore."