June 21st 2010 I told him our marriage was over. I can recognize that a marriage isn't all fields of daisies, but a girl would like a daisy once in a while.
There are two people:
Antonio the friend is amazing. That is the guy I met more than ten years ago at the Denny's on Central Ave. We can talk to each other about anything, make each other laugh, challenge one another at TV trivia, and offer a sympathetic ear after a rough day. He is and always will be my best friend. We created not one, but two beautiful homes together and countless memories.
Antonio the husband was less than amazing. I'm not about to bash him, but let's just say he wasn't THERE for me the way a husband should be. And the biggest issue is that he gave up on us probably about six months into the marriage. He just stopped trying and it takes two to make any relationship work. After a while of fighting all on my own my fire burnt out too.
I am heartbroken and worried that I may never find true love especially since I clearly have no clue as to what it is. I am scared about the next steps i have to take: sell my house, get a higher paying job with health insurance, find a place to live, and learn how to be my own person. I have never had a healthy relationship with myself. I want to stop blaming myself and start loving myself. I want to learn how to be independent while fiercely going after my own dreams. And maybe someday when I am the best possible version of myself I can find someone who will love and appreciate me.
Antonio and I will remain friends. I keep telling people we will be like Bruce and Demi. Part of this break is to salvage our friendship. Mostly this is to save myself. I know I deserve so much more than he could or would give me.
I've cried. I've yelled. I've been numb. Most of all I have been okay. Honestly anyone who knows me knows what a resilient person I am. Life has thrown a lot of ugly shit my way and I'm still standing, so I know I can make it through this too. It's going to take time, money, prayer, patience, and the support of my family and friends but in the end I think I can actually end up better off than I was.
Visiters
About Me
- ElbieNy25
- "Scars are proof that we were brave enough to fight the battle and strong enough to survive it"-me 2008 Unfortunately/fortunately I have many scars from life, but I'm still here. I've been writing for over twenty years and just recently finished my first manuscript entitled "The Journey". I love peopl; they fascinate me with their stories, quirks, and mysterious ways.
10 comments:
Keep being true to yourself and you will find what you are looking for...or it will find you. I believe in you, your passion, your strength and your persistence. *big cyber hug*
I'm so admiring of your attitude!
Yes, everything must be overwhelming but you've accepted the situation and are making plans. A lot of people would fall to pieces.
And you're right. Get in tune with yourself. Everyone has a "good" person in them who deserves to find another to match. Nourish your inner person and worry about finding the other one later.
You have to know for yourself.
That's what I always say. You are the only one who can choose your path. And if this is the path that you need to travel, rest assured that your friends are going to be taking it with you. Even those of us who are a million miles away and have never actually met you in person.
The fact that love still exists is why I think that all things should be exhausted completely before you all decide to go the other way. There is a way to find yourself and continue to grow while working on a relationship that you've invested so much in. I am not one to tell you what to do, but will offer my opinion (as you know well). Dont give up on something before its really over. I am proud of the changes you have made for yourself over the last couple years, but your new freedom scares the shit outta me and that girl from college that you despised so much is rearing her head. I will NOT put down the progress you've made, but I will say I am fearful of where this is going. Its just like what we talked about at Ken's over the weekend...please consider all options prior to making any life changing decisions. Call if you have to...ANY time.
My advice? Listen to your intuition. If it is time to move on, move on with no regrets. if you think you need to give it another go then do that. Good luck to you. Trust your inner self.
good for you - you're taking control. Hard as it may be (and scary and overwhelming) you ARE loving yourself because you are doing what you need to do for *you*. I admire your strength, honesty and determination. Know that you have a friend out here in Maine!
One other thing. Don't rush into a relationship or even hook up with someone because he's there. Take your time. Decide whether or not you even like a person before you invest time and emotion in him.
Hanging out with girl friends and living for yourself can be pretty fun. And if you meet someone, okay. And if you don't, that's okay, too. Stay true to yourself and everything will work out.
I was in the same situation many years ago...and I got a divorce. I wasn't sure what I'd do--if I'd ever be able to love someone. A few years later, after I'd spent some time on my own and grew to understand who I am and love myself, I met an amazing man. We've been together for 18 years. it can happen. don't give up on love yet!! Friendship is a necessary part of any marriage. But so is contentment and partnership. You'll get there girl!
So strong! That's what you are! Keep standing strong and understanding that we all need to falter in order to feel the reward of getting up again.
Thanks everyone. My heart, mind, and gut all tell me this is the right thing to do. My decision hasn't wavered one bit since I made it three weeks ago.
The simple fact remains he just wasn't right for me. We want different things, both fell out of love with one another, and grew into new people that are no longer compatible. I deserve a man who will live for me, die for me, and breath for me as I would do for him. Antonio couldn't even choose me over Friday night poker. So....onto a new beginning.
Post a Comment