Duplicitous

I guess I am surprised and at the same time I am not. Throughout the years many people have come in and out of my life for various reasons. There are a solid few that have known me a long time and have seen the worst of me, yet love me because despite it all they see the best in me.

I have only known you for just over a year, but we had that Pagan connection which meant a lot to me. We never fought, never really disagreed about anything, and were a support system for one another at certain times. You and I both shared the fact that we had been badly burned by people we cared about and for this reason it was hard for us to completely open up to let others in.

After yesterday's actions I have lost all respect for you. You are nearly forty years old, yet your actions are that of a child. Instead of talking to me face to face about things that were bothering you, you decided to cowardly end our friendship via text message and then post hurtful things about me all over your Facebook page.

How many conversations have we had where I have asked you point blank if you find it difficult being friends with me or if you find me negative? Quite a few. And EVERY single time you would smile in my face and tell me you didn't feel that way. When I explained to you recently that a person accused me of being a negative and draining your eyes bugged out and you shook your head saying it wasn't true. Yet yesterday you posted it on Facebook that you in fact DID feel that way about me. This tells me you are a lying, phoney, and insincere person.

I want to fall in love and start a family some day. This is not a goal specifically unique to me. And when I had difficulty with my online dating and vented to you about it you were supportive to my face, but then blasted me on Facebook for it saying that I should "grow up and re-evaluate my life". I have NEVER said those things to you when you opened up to me about the problems in your love life. I was always kind and supportive about your frustrations which were different from mine but just as important. I remember the day at lunch you opened up to a table of strangers, people from my training class, about how your marriage was over and you were leaving your husband. You made everyone so uncomfortable and I did damage control on your behalf. That wasn't the only time you did something like that either.

You say I have too many problems with too many people. The three that I have talked to you about in most frequency were individuals that SEVERAL other people had problems or issues with. So despite your Facebook post it isn't just me and I'm not the one with the real issue. A mom who burned people because she used her kids to scam money off people and then went shopping for herself with that money, a girl who flips out on people at the drop of a hat and alienates people at EVERY job she's ever had, and the person in our department that bullied both YOU and ME. So how is it just me?

The thing that hurt the most was accusing me of using you as a doormat, being a "Psychic Vampire", and ours being a one sided friendship. How many times did I offer to be there for you when you needed someone? I told you that you could call/text/email me anytime you needed someone. It is not my fault that you decided not to take me up on that offer. Yet you would bitch and whine that you had no one and felt alone. How many times did I listen to you talk about your problems with your niece and offer suggestions? That went on for months! Whenever you were out of work sick I checked up on you to see how you were although you never once did the same for me including the time I was hospitalized. And I stopped by your desk EVERY day to say hello and ask you about YOUR life. We both had things going on in our lives, I guess the difference with you and me was that up until yesterday I never kept a running tally or used the things you told me against you.

My blogging is not sad or pathetic. And if it is then so are you because you blog about intimate details of your life too.

I have never once been unkind to you and didn't deserve the things you did to me yesterday. To end a friendship over text message was cheap, disrespectful, and a pussy move. The same goes for your rants about me on facebook. For all the people that hit the "like" button on your comments I have to wonder how many of them would still feel the same way if they knew these were things you NEVER once said directly to my face. Additionally how would they feel if they knew that you smiled to my face everyday and reassured me I was a good person and good friend when clearly you felt differently behind my back. And thirdly some of those people are people you talk shit about behind their backs, at least you have talked shit about them to me on several occasions.

I tried to reach out to you to see if we could talk things out. Then it occurred to me, why bother chasing a friendship that was never real in the first place? At least it was real for me and that's why all this hurts so much.

You accused me of telling you not to invite certain people to your cookie party. What really happened was that I told you a certain person and I had a falling out. When I explained what that person did to me YOU immediately said "if that's the way they act then I don't want them at my party." I asked if you were sure because you didn't have to do that and you said you were. I have NEVER in my life told someone who they could and couldn't have at their house or party. If anything I offer to dis-invite myself to make things easier on everyone, which was what I was willing to do in your case but YOU insisted you didn't want the other person there.

You accused me of being associated with a Pagan group I have never even met. I told you I had joined them through an Internet site, but never been to a single one of their events. Yet this was reason #2 for you ending our friendship.

Listen we have free will and you can end our friendship at anytime for any reason or no reason at all if you'd like. It's cool, really. But don't make up reasons that don't exist and then attack me publicly for things I never did to you. What YOU did actually speaks far more to who you are than to who I am. There is a long list of people that have been in my life past and present that tell me on a fairly regular basis how much I have done for them, so I'm far from a psychic vampire. But you are entitled to your opinion, just realize I have lost all respect for you in the way you handled things.

I will chalk this up as a learning experience and be more careful with who I let into my life in the future.