How Friendship Works

****Some names and details have been changed to protect the not-so innocent****


I guess I need to start this by saying I need to take a long hard look at myself and the things I do to contribute to the things that happen to me. Not only do I jump head first into romantic relationships, but I do this with friendships too. Lasting relationships of any type take time to culminate; I know this yet my impatience or eagerness almost always get the best of me. This is an issue with me and NOT the other people. I accept this.

One of the major problems with rushing into things with someone before you really get to know them is that almost every time you'll end up getting hurt. I let my guard down way too easily, especially when I out of all people should know better, and give away trust without letting a person earn it first. Then I'm surprised when they do something shiesty to me.

Another thing I need to work on is placing my values on other people. Just because I would act a certain way during a certain situation doesn't mean others would. We are all different people with different backgrounds and different values and different opinions. Just because I have been there for someone in their time of need doesn't mean they would do the same for me when my time comes. Maybe my expectations of others are too high, too unrealistic.

Despite the fact that I am deeply flawed person, underneath it all I think I'm a good person. I have a huge heart that I wear on my sleeve like an idiot. I know I can be difficult to deal with for various reasons I don't need to list cause anyone who knows me knows the reasons, but I just want what everyone wants and that's to be loved. I want to be accepted for who I am, flaws and all. But my intensity scares away 9/10 people, so the ones that do stick around must be nothing short of angels.

I need to learn to be more patient, more compassionate, and more accepting of others. I should also apply these things to how I treat myself. Obviously I still have a lot of work to do in the self love department as well.