Things She Never Knew

History is written by the victors, Her Story was written by the survivor.

The first boy to ever say "I love you" covered her body in blacks and blues. This would set the pattern for all her relationships to come. Love meant pain, suffering, and heartache. It would build her up only to break her back down time and time again. And it would never matter what others told her for she believed it was her fault. If she had been more sexy, more intelligent, more of whatever he wanted her to be then it wouldn't have happened. But she couldn't be more, so she kept getting less than anyone deserved. This was a lesson she would take her entire lifetime to learn.

　

The next one chased her for years. Was she running from him or running from her fears? When caught he filled her head and heart with promises so beautiful she felt she had walked into a dream. But these dreams were nothing more than illusions. He decided the chase had tired him out. Anything that wasn't her became a more worthy pursuit. Forever and always really meant until she was no longer shiny and new. If she had been better than who she actually was then he would have stayed. This was a lesson she would carry with her until she was ready to learn from it.

　

The third she wanted to save because she felt she would never be able to save her own self. He latched onto her draining anything good and pure and true that had remained from previous devastations. He never used his fists, but often struck her with hateful words that tore her down until there was hardly anything left of the girl she had once been so long ago. She was merely his means to an end until he could step on her to reach something bigger and better. With what little strength she had left she crawled away vowing to never open her heart to another man again. This was a lesson she felt illiterate to.

　

She became an empty vessel allowing them to use her body for whatever they please truly believing she had nothing more to offer. Often she would stare into the mirror sickened by what she saw. Ugly, wasteful, used up. Happy endings belonged to others, she would never find hers. A woman torn down by those she only ever tried to build up. Not everything that is broken can be fixed, but then again was she ever a whole person to begin with?

 Things she never knew were maybe things she didn't want to know.
No one forced her to be with these men. She chose to be with them and now she needed to choose to be with herself. To stop seeking love and validation from the outside when it needs to come from within. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, this was no different. It was time to step out from the shadows of men and into the light of herself.