Forgiveness Does Not Equal Acceptance

Recently I came across my old DBT ( Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) binder to pass on to a friend. This is a therapy technique specific to people who have Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD. For more information on the condition:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/


Every one's story is different and I have gone into mine many times, so that's not what this post is about. It's about when I came across this very powerful phrase that reminded me of a theme in my journey to wellness..."Forgiveness Does Not Equal Acceptance".

I used to have this distorted filter which sifts out all the good stuff and holds onto all the bad stuff. Memories of horrible times in my life play over and over while overshadowing some really amazing things that have happened along the way. It works in so many other aspects of my life such as compliments verses insults; 9/10 people tell me I'm beautiful but I grasp onto that one person who called me ugly. It repeats itself like a theme song in my head to the point that I can't even hear I'm beautiful.

After a lifetime of living this way I needed to do some major renovations. The thing is you need to find the source of the problem in order to have a long lasting and successful fixture otherwise you're putting scotch tape on giant gaping hole in your foundation...it just won't hold up.

Anger, pain, resentment at all the people in my life who have hurt me. There comes a point where you need to just let go so you can move on. I've always been a bit of a stubborn person and it took nearly thirty years for me to be able to do this. I can forgive them, but it doesn't mean I'm okay with what happened. I am at peace with what happened.

The hardest part of all was forgiving myself for the pain, anger, and resentment I may have caused others but mostly myself. Out of all the people in my life who have hurt me, no one has caused a deeper cut than the one I did with my own hand. I didn't love myself. I didn't respect myself. I didn't know my own value. And to be completely honest sometimes there are days I still need a gentle reminder. These things take time and I get that.

Horrible people and horrible actions are not one in the same. I am not my past. What I am is a person full of possibilities, some good and some bad. I have no doubt I will fall down again, the difference is I am so much quicker to get right back up these days and keep going skinned knees and all.