Personal Demons

Her eyes followed Calla and Adam as they walked off together hand in hand just like they did every day. Although she would never admit it to a living soul, sometimes she envied them. Not just the lovebirds, but Evan, Sarah, and Allan too. Even strangers she passed on the streets. There was such a freedom about them in how they could give themselves so openly to the world without abandon.

Once upon a time Layla was daddy's little girl. The one person in this entire world that not only understood and appreciated her fully as she was, but in so many ways was just like her. She was someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's student, someone's peer. Now she belongs to no one. Life is so much easier that way. Layla knew that forming attachments meant she would one day have to face the possibility of losing them. In the end she felt the risk just wasn't worth the reward.

A child of air with an insatiable thirst for knowledge she felt confident that with enough time and effort she could teach herself anything. With her natural abilities of air she had been able to manipulate water, fire, and earth. After a decade of she knows how to get to nearly any place within Rockland County because she has mapped out all major highways and roads in her mind. Instead of traditional schooling she taught herself the NYS regents program, took the SAT's, and even got her GED. With the social distractions most people her age face it was easy for Layla to dedicate herself to her studies.

The first day she approached the three of them she knew what each of their weaknesses and strengths were. She lied when she told Adam she wasn't sure of his, because she thought it was more important that he figure it out for himself. And he still doesn't know. Layla's weakness is easy to spot from a mile away, her inability to trust. Selfishly she has asked Allan, Sarah, Calla, Adam, and Evan to blindly trust her yet she was never do the same for any of them.

Each night after training she goes down to the Hudson River through Memorial Park. She sits on the rocks listening to the water crash against it. Usually it's quiet enough that she can hear her own breathing. If it's dark enough she'll stare at the lights coming from the houses on the other side of the river or the cars crossing the Tappen Zee Bridge. She wonders if there is someone over there just as lost as she is. Then she cries. For one hour a day she allows herself to be weak. No tough girl facade for the others, just a chance for her to keep it real with herself. When her time is done she pulls herself together in order to resume being the person everyone thinks she is. This is how it needs to be.

Even the guys she has been intimate with know what the deal is. She's not looking to fall in love, just get a need satisfied much like food and sleep. And this all seems to work just fine as it is very rare a guy her age wants more than a hot night anyways. This is her way to feel some sort of connection to another person without risking attachment. Just that brief moment where she can feel something other than numbness or pain. Although any pleasure she may actually get is gone before she can truly enjoy it. Layla crashes back down to her bleak reality.

Over the years her mentees have tried to pull her in to their little unconventional family. But the reality is that when all this is over some of them, if not all will probably die from this prophecy. None of the others chose this life except for Layla. She is prepared for what may come. When she nearly died by Evan's unintentional attack she could sense the sadness around her. She almost wished she had died immediately so their suffering would stop. They are not her family, they are not her friends. They cannot feel for her because the last person who did got hurt. Layla knows she was meant to walk this path alone.