Big Breasted Short Girl

I guess I'll just get straight to the point here. I was about seven years old when my boobs started coming in. At first I was excited because this meant I was becoming a woman. Of course I didn't realize all the problems large breasts would bring me: back and neck pains, difficulty finding bras/bathing suits/shirts that fit me properly, and lots of attention specifically from men.

We're a very visual culture, I get that, we make assumptions and judgments often based on appearances. It's true when I wear a baggy sweat shirt, jeans, no make-up, and have my hair tied back I get treated VERY differently then when I "sex it up". Two things you'll notice about me immediately upon first glance is how short I am (4'11'') and that I have massive boobs (DDD). Having said that I can't even tell you how many times I was referred to as the short girl with big boobs.

Because of my ridiculously low self esteem I actually believed this was my best attribute. I did what most people do with their best feature and I played it up. I take full responsibility for all the sexy cleavage shots I posted on Facebook, Myspace, texted/emailed people. I was definitely getting noticed but for all the wrong reasons. It was ingrained in me that this was the only way I could get a guy to like me.

In the past year, more so the past couple months, I have had time to do some serious self reflecting. I don't just want to be a pair of hooters to everyone. There's so much more to me than that: graduated high school and college with high honors, well traveled, long history of volunteer work, self published author, adopted two bunnies from a rescue group, and I have a huge heart. If people would take the time to get to know me they too could discover what I'm really about as opposed to making me some sex object.

Finally I decided to put myself out there in the dating world again, obviously taking things very slowly and cautiously this time. After responding to an ad on craigslist (I know what was I thinking when craigslist has consistently let me down before)I began emailing then texting a nice guy. We talked about careers, hobbies, our families. Then we exchange pictures. For once I send a non-sexy photo, I'm in a Barbie t-shirt for godssake with my arm around a good friend, and his one word response "Boobs!". It bothered me that after conversing with someone trying to show them bits of who I am that that was all they could say about my picture.

I had mentioned to this guy about my passion for writing and he requested to see my blog. You know my blog is very open and covers a broad range of topics. Now instead of commenting on my heartfelt "Why I didn't go to my HighSchool Reunion" or the poem "The Girl I Once Was" or my satire "21st Century Disney" or my short fictional series about Caleb and Lila....he comments on my sexual pieces saying "it's a great instruction manual for when we get physical later on."

Let me clarify that this was Day 2 of talking with this guy. I had not flirted with him one bit nor made any sexual comments or innuendos but that is clearly where his mind was and where it went to. The person I was a few months back would have probably been okay with this, not the person I am now. Call me crazy but I would like a little respect from a person I first meet. I don't go up to guys and ask them how big they are upon first meeting them. It's just offensive and reaffirms that he is clearly not the guy for me. The guy for me might have thoughts but wouldn't be so bold and rude as to blurt them out like this guy did. It's fine if he wants some big breasted bimbo to have his way with; he should keep looking then because I'm not that girl.

When I told him he offended me, he apologized. I said okay and then he stopped texting me proving that as soon as I explained sex was off the table he was no longer interested. I'd rather lure a man in with my heart and mind anyways. I'm not that girl anymore because now I love myself and appreciate what I have to offer which is much more than big hooters.