Deeply In Like

The infamous "they" say to trust your gut instinct because it'll never steer you wrong. My entire life my gut has told me to run away whenever I get romantically involved with a guy. It screams things at me like: he'll hurt you, he'll leave you, he can't be trusted, he isn't for real...

Even after years with Antonio I still couldn't 100% trust him or let my guard down. Call it a self fulfilling prophecy, but as much as I tried to ignore my gut's warning it always ended up coming true. There I was left heart broken while my gut smirked "told you so."

This is unfamiliar to me. I was just looking for friends and had decided to put the whole romance thing on the back burner, file it under 'perhaps, someday, maybe, but not likely'. The infamous "they" also say that when you stop trying or looking for something is when that certain something will come looking for you. My gut is singing a new tune: go for it, he's the real deal, you can trust him.

Is this a practical joke? Hardly. My gut doesn't play around, tried to warn me about my near fatal car accident Aug 13, 2008. (I ignored that too) This time I'm going to listen to the advice I'm receiving.

Jason is unlike anyone I have ever met. We make each other laugh. He's been 100% honest from day one about some very intimate things and in turn so have I. Sometimes we can just spend hours laying on the couch snuggled up with his arms around me while we watch TV/a movie. He may be even more affectionate than me and that's saying a lot.He's a romantic. Jason is the optimist to my pessimist. The biggest shock of all is how he is with my rabbit. It took two years for Drew to let Antonio hold him/pick him up, but Jason did it upon his first visit to my house. My rabbit doesn't like anyone but me, now there's an exception to that and that would be Jason. "They" also say animals are a good judge of character. He's a great listener with sage advice that has worked out every time I have taken it so far.

Tuesday night Jason held me while I broke down and cried over Julito's death.

I could come up with an entire list of reasons why we shouldn't be together. That's the easy thing to do, run away and be scared of something that feels so right when just about everything else in my life feels so wrong. Being with Jason feels so natural and right to me. I can't explain it because like I said this is completely unfamiliar to me. The timing sucks, but I don't want to miss out on something that could be amazing. I'm living in the moment and enjoying it for what it is, who knows what will happen.

I'm happy.