After months of pressuring me I finally broke down last night and let Rita take me bra shopping. The weight gain created a spillage situation in all my bras and the situation needed to be handled. Before we left we were in her living room talking.
"What does it mean when a guy says he likes 'thick' girls? What's a thick girl?" I asked.
"Gina. Me. You."
"Me?"
"Welcome to the world of big girls Laura, embrace it."
I teared up. My entire life I have held onto this notion that the only beautiful version of me was a thin one. The girl in those pictures from Spring 2009 was the sexy hot mama I longed to be and I was so far from that at this time in my life. Why could I see other "Big Girls" and honestly find them beautiful, but not see it in myself?
We went to Crossgates to Lane Bryant where we met an awesome saleslady Stephanie. She measured me (40 DD for those who are curious). I tried on several bras, some capris which tend to fit me like full length jeans, some shirts, and this gorgeous long dress that my short self would have to hem. I sent pictures to another friend of mine who whole heartily approved of my fashion choices.
This may not seem like some giant confession, but to me it is. I have been in denial for several months and now I am saying it "Laura Kaponer-Abate is a BIG GIRL". It's as much a part of my identity right now as my religion, political views, and ethnicity. This is who I am, what I am, and it's okay. Maybe I can be big AND beautiful.
P.S.
As an added bonus I now have a juicy little ass that I NEVER had before.
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About Me
- ElbieNy25
- "Scars are proof that we were brave enough to fight the battle and strong enough to survive it"-me 2008 Unfortunately/fortunately I have many scars from life, but I'm still here. I've been writing for over twenty years and just recently finished my first manuscript entitled "The Journey". I love peopl; they fascinate me with their stories, quirks, and mysterious ways.
7 comments:
Don't deny yourself anymore. You will see that there are so many people that love you for you. I know that it starts with loving yourself and I know that in itself can be a battle. I have moments where I don't like me. Not even a little...not even a little part of me. But I have days where I really love being me.
I am so proud of you for you realizing what it means to you. And if it is something important to you, then it is important no matter what others think.
We totally could bra-swap! lol!
I'm done worrying about weight in and of itself. New goal: fitness. I weigh the same as I weighed two months ago, but I'm so full of muscles now! :)
Our mortal bodies give us one picture of ourselves. But the true self is our souls. Who we are and what we are, are reflected from our eyes. Those who choose to look at our outer appearance are shallow people. Your inner beauty and triumps show up in your written word and how you treat others. You are indeed a most beautiful person.
I agree with DM. Inner beauty trumps appearances anytime. Concentrate on things that matter like enjoying life and being kind to other people. I'm a firm believer that it pays off in the end.
I remember the first time I bought a bra. My mother took me and she said "You'll be wearing it for the rest of your life now". I was so happy. And now, in my twenties, I'm so tired of those things. But it's always nice to get a cute one that fits you well and comfortably! Also more fun to go with a friend. :D
Wow I feel so loved with all these comments. Thanks ladies.
@Regina its a process; need to stop hating myself and gradually work up to self love.
@Claire I am concerned about my overall health and well being, so I am taking steps to improve that.
@DM sometimes I doubt if I am living my life the best way I can, but I have never denied my good heart.
@Cheryl I am def kind to others, so kind in fact I end up a perpetual doormat.
@Kathryn I've been wearing a bra since I was 7. Always been "gifted" and I do love a cute bra!
Thumbs up to the ass!! Laura please realize that being labeled as a "Big Girl" doesnt make you any less than. It grants you membership into a class of women with much more self esteem and confidence than most of the skinny chicks out there combined! This doesnt mean you will never slim down again, but this may be just what you need to gain self confidence and swag. Id love to see the new clothes!
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