Change your attitude, change your life

I used to play the victim and believe me when I say I did it quite well. Everything ugly in my life was always someone else's fault. In efforts to gain sympathy I would post on my blog, facebook, or just ramble my sob story to anyone who would listen.

Please hear all the overly dramatized details of my big bad life. Accepted responses can include: you don't deserve this, things will get better, you poor sweet baby. Pretty much any version of that will do. Bonus points if you supply ice cream to me as well.

Well here's the real deal, being the weeping girl in the dark corner got old. After a while people grew tired of my piss poor attitude and moved on, and honestly who can blame them? Who wants to be around a 24/7 giant ball of misery? Negativity breeds negativity and I was like the plague. Unfortunately I did not have the option to run away from myself which meant I could continue to have my own perpetual pity party or I could make some serious changes.

Self refection can be a pretty grueling process. Looking into yourself, saying these things are not okay, and they need to be addressed. Equally important is seeing the things that are pretty wonderful and finding a way to bring those more to the surface. I knew I was in for a long uphill battle, did I have it in me to go the distance? There's no way to half ass this, all or nothing.

In recent years I have been someone that has lived by mottos, one of my favorite being "Change your attitude, change your life." It works, trust me when I say I am living proof.

When I played the victim it meant I had no power over my circumstances because I gave all that power to outside influences. In taking responsibility for the things in my life I take back the power and give myself the ability to change things. Not everything bad is someone else's fault, but at the same time not everything is my fault either.

Two major things come to light where I saw dramatic changes once I adjusted my attitude, the first was my health. I was very overweight with various ailments because of it. It was easy to say this was just how I was meant to be, inhale a box of cookies, and stay slothy on my couch watching endless hours of television. There was no quality to my life.

A choice was made to play a more active role by rejoining Weight Watchers and getting back into physical activity. Oddly enough I discovered a love of cooking fresh and nutritious meals as opposed to my previous preference of take-out/microwavable dishes. Additionally I experienced a surge of energy when I engaged in exercise that made me feel a rush I hadn't thought possible. The weight melted off, I stopped needing certain medications, and my quality of life vastly improved. I made a vow to myself to take care of myself from that point forward.

The second and honestly harder change was when it came to the relationships in my life. For years it was so easy to say I had been taken advantage of, been used, neglected, betrayed by the various people I had let into my life. Now that may have been true, but I was the one who gave those people the ability to do that. If I didn't stand up for myself or gave trust away too easily before I allowed someone the proper chance to earn it, then that's on me and not them. I choose who to date and befriend, no one else does that for me. So if I choose to invest in people with questionable character then I need to accept responsibility when that particular choice burns me.

Additionally when a relationship falls apart it is never just ONE person's fault. Every player had a role in the break down of a romance or friendship. For me I need to step back and evaluate how things went down from the other person's perspective. What drove them to act or say certain things. What was my contribution? In the future what can I do differently? It's always a learning opportunity because if you don't learn from it you'll keep doing the same thing over and over again. I will never be able to control other people's behaviors, but I do have complete control over how I act and react towards them. That is in my power, that is my choice and no one can ever take that away from me.

It was really enlightening for me when I discovered certain patterns in my previous relationships. It's really difficult to place the blame entirely on someone else when the same things kept happening. I had to look at the one common denominator which was me. And although I still have relationships both platonic and romantic that don't always turn out the way I had hoped, I am glad to say that in the past two years they have all been vastly different which means I am learning, growing, and adapting. And believe me when I say that I am far from done in that process.

I would also like to give thanks to all the people past and present that have been a part of my journey so far. Each person has taught me something about myself. I am able to see with much more clarity my strengths, my weaknesses, and discover new and exciting parts of who I am.

My attitude now is that life is good, my life is good. It is not perfect nor will it ever be, but the things I am unhappy with I now understand I have the power to change. I have the power over my life and that feels pretty great.