Game Over (Bitch It Out Thursday)

Six and a half years sleeping on a pillow of tears in loves maximum security jail
Hold onto your boyfriends cause this bitch just posted bail
Facebook status updated to single I don't see no ring on this finger
I could be sittin at home hurtin but I'm too busy livin it up and flirtin
So many fine pieces out there for me to choose too bad the husband never bought a clue
Wearing my five inch wedges and drenched in swag
Soaring the skies with such swiftness I'll leave you with jet lag
I've got the grace of Belle and the fierceness of Beast
Read my lips hear my words first time around I won't repeat
He was the weakest link so I bid him goodbye
Tired of his Peter Pan syndrome and Pinocchio lies
Very few will qualify for this dame though many will apply
Football was his wife I was just the mistress
Sexually, emotionally, physically he used to dis this
But look at me I am fine as hell, blind bastard needs a new script cause he couldn't tell
He can drown in his own misery because the best thing he ever had slipped away
Can’t ever get back all the yesterdays he stole from me but he won’t ever get the chance to control me or my heart again
Go back to live with his momma and the new girl can deal with all his drama
Never said I was perfect, I did stray after years of his rejection
But after all the neglect-ion while I was starved for his affection what the hell was he expecting
I fought for us although in his eyes I was never enough
The romance faded we made a mistake when we upgraded our friendship
How can I even be friends with someone who doesn’t respect me enough to tell me the truth
Game over, no second chances you’ve proved beyond a reasonable doubt
Thats I’m stronger, better, and happier without you

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday (Confessional Tuesday)

Maybe we can't be friends. His number one priority right now is the new girl he's hanging out with. In my opinion his priorities should be the following:

1.Working on our friendship
2.Packing up his stuff to de-clutter our home
3.Helping me find a repairman for some little jobs around the home
4.Touching up the paint in the bathrooms
5.Helping me to find professional cleaners for the house

The guy who claims he never has time to get anything done because he's so overworked, took the night off and went on a date. I'm not upset he's on a date since I've been doing more than my fair share of dating, it's that I busted my ass with my parents all weekend packing which caused severe pain to my injured/healing shoulder, and he decides with his free time to go out on a date.

During our marriage he almost never had time for me nor would he take time off for me. He worked on my birthday! But this new girl gets top billing. Once again I hope our house sells quickly so I don't have to deal with him and his shit anymore. Funny thing is if we BOTH don't do certain things like those listed above then our house will never sell.

I am pissed the fuck off!

The End of the Road (Trial and Error Monday delayed)

Ever since I can remember I was always a girl with a plan. I knew I was going to have 2-3 kids someday, live in a huge house, be a part time career woman and part time stay at home mom, and live happily ever after. Well the point is that I had some direction.

This past weekend my parents visited and I was ecstatic since I typically only get to see them 2-3 times a year. They live in S.C. over 1000 miles away and the last time I saw them was for Christmas.

This visit was bitter sweet because there were a lot of unpleasant firsts:
*Talking about the impending divorce over breakfast
*A "goodbye" brunch with my parents and the in-laws
*Packing up my life into little boxes and shoving them into my attic
*Unofficially apartment hunting via internet to get an idea of what's out there

So much is up in the air and all this uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. At least if one of the things was resolved like our house being sold or me landing another job I would feel more secure. Antonio has a place to go, his parents, and he gets to keep his current job. This transition isn't nearly as difficult for him.

My mom said it best, "You're neither here nor there, you're in limbo."

Well that's depressing.

For Joe (Free Flow Friday Delayed)

Sixteen years young and didn't know shit
That's why I didn't feel the sting from that first hit
Beautiful Italian boy made me his punching toy
Told me I was your entire world coined me your brown-eyed girl
I learned to despise those green eyes of yours seducing me in lies
Should I have been surprised that you were my demise?
Thin line between love and hate, but you were the master of that creation
Hug me punch me kiss me throw me against the wall
Start fresh the next day like nothing happened at all
You gave me your ring in hopes of a new beginning
The deepest wounds were the ones no one could see
The chains you bound me with taking away any possibility
of happiness
I ran away from you because I could no longer live in your house of pain

On the Road again...(Bitch it Out Thursday)

My parents are in town, haven't seen them since Christmas since they live over 1000 miles away. I am very close with them and cherish any time I do get to see them. Having said that, it sucks that I have to see them under these circumstances: the impending divorce

I took the first half of teh day off of work to spend with my parents. The morning started out with the talk about where I'm at as far as dating, dividing our assets, meeting the realtor, ect. Then we started packing up my massive angel/faery/cherub figurine collection. I don't consider myself a materialistic person by any means, but I love my "stuff" that is until I have to pack and move it all. I only trust my mom to pack my figurines because she managed to pack them so well that not a single one broke in transport from S.C. to N.Y.

My bitching session today is about moving. It's a necessary evil. I first really aquired "stuff" when I moved into my first apartment after college. Then I made a move from that apartment to my first home. Then I relocated from that house in S.C. to my in-laws in N.Y. Then from my in-laws home to my new home in N.Y. My next move will be to an apartment/house that I rent and eventually to a home that I own. Packing, un-packing, settling in and decorating, then start the cycle all over. My method of madness is to start to pack bits and pieces of my life a little at a time. Then I'll place them in the attic.

I just want a place I can call home. This house no longer feels like my home and you know what they say "there's no place like home".

Sweet Home Alabama (Wednesday Nobody Interviews)

This week's interview is with Alabama born and raised Southern gentleman Julian Wills.

1. How do we know eachother?
We met online through Writer's Digest and now we talk on the phone.

2. What do you personally find is the biggest misconception Northerners have about the South?

That the civil war was about slavery. It was about State's rights, not slavery.

3. While I was living in the South I noticed there was a lot of Southern Pride and one of the ways of expressing this pride was displaying the confederate flag. There are some who might consider this racist. What does the confederate flag mean to you?

We do not considerate the flag racist because once again the war was about state's rights and not slavery. And it now represents a sense of Southern culture and Southern heritage.

4. What is your favorite thing about living in the South?

The laid back attitude and the friendliness of the people. The big DAWGS and not the little yappy dogs from up North, everyone up North has one of those little yappy dogs that are annoying as hell. We have DAWG's down here, they've got dog's up there.

5. It has been argued that the public school system in the South pales in comparison to what we have up North. What are your thoughts?

I wouldn't say it pales in comparison, but I would say it's not as good. 'Pales in comparison' is a pretty strong statement, it's more like it's not as adequate. It has to do with funding, there is none. The teacher's get paid so little that they need to find other jobs. The city council people are corrupt, we have scandals down here like every week.

6. Hollywood really plays into some of the Southern stereotypes. What movies do you think do it most accurately and why? Which are most inaccurate?

A very accurate one is "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" because it's a true story and all the characters in it were real. It portrayed a Southern flavor accurately. As far as inaccurate I would say "Deliverance" because they're all inbred Southern rednecks.

7. You previously mentioned how laid back and friendly people are in the South. You live in the bible belt. How are "outsiders" treated as in non-Christians?

This is a particularly good question. I think to some degree they are looked down upon, but I also think there's a Christian love that permeates society in the South.

8. Let's explore further some of your views on the North. What is your take on the attitudes and behaviours of the people above the Mason-Dixon line? And if you've never been up North, where did you form your opinions from?

That's they're curt and rude, fast moving, and abrasive. I would say I got my opinions from the news.

9. On Writer's Digest you helped to start a forum called "Southern Sunshine" where there are in depth discussions on some of the topics we broached today. What was your inspiration behind this?

I wanted people to understand the South in a better way.

10. Thanks so much Julian for agreeing to let me badger you in my interview. My traditional last question, if you could be any breakfast cereal, what would you be and why?

Fruit Loops. No explanation, if people want to speculate they can speculate all they want.

Resentment Rears it's Ugly Head (Confessional Tuesday)

Antonio and I were doing great ever since the decision for the divorce. We were both happier and had mature conversations about the steps we needed to take: dividing our stuff, selling the house, me getting my own health insurance.

Antonio initiated in the beginning that if we're going to be friends we need to be open and honest with one another about our dating. This isn't to say we would divulge every minute detail, but at least be comfortable with each other knowing that the other person is back out on the market. Rita said this was dangerous water we were treading, but I decided to trust Antonio.

So he asked me about my dates or the people I was potentially interested in. I in turn asked him and he kept telling me there wasn't anyone. Then I find out he's been spending a decent amount of time "hanging out" with an ex-girlfriend.

I'm not jealous, just upset that he lied to me. He said he didn't tell me because she didn't want him too. I explained that we made a promise to be 100% upfront with one another and she needs to understand that. HUGE FIGHT! The tension in the house the last few days has been so thick because he thinks I'm overreacting and I think he lied to me again...this was another issue in our marriage, his lying to me.

The other night I hear him on the phone trying to calm her down and explaining that I still want us to be friends, interesting wording, I want the friendship, not him or us, but me.

Our house will most likely go on the market August 15th. To anyone out there who prays to any kind of entity, please pray that we get an offer at the open house (most likely August 21) and we close by Oct 1st. I no longer want to be under the same roof as Antonio. I need my physical freedom and we both desperately need space from one another. Obviously his top priority is this new girl and not trying to save a 10 year friendship.

I deserve so much better than this.