If I had the female equivalent of a cock, it would have shriveled up and retreated back inside me at the sound of his voice. How much can one person talk about how amazing they are? Well he was certainly testing those limits with comments such as "I am so much smarter than my professor that my classmates come to me for help. I should be teaching the class" and "The local news does a story on me every single year because I turn diesel powered cars into electric ones. You've never seen one of the stories? They're HUGE!" or his constant professions of how amazing he is sexually, which in my experience a man can never match up to his words in that department.
Let's explore this for a minute.
Andy and I met through a local volunteer organization. He was a long standing and active member, I had just joined. At the time I was dating someone else and didn't really notice Andy as anything other than a fellow volunteer. Later on he regaled me with stories that he found me so attractive he had to go home and jerk off. What every die hard romantic loves to hear!
A couple months later I was single and on the prowl. Andy and I began shameless flirting via text that led to him meeting me at my place after work one day. He was so eager he began roughly kissing me aka forcefully jamming his tongue down my throat while leaving a layer of drool on my face. His next Casanova move was thrusting me onto my bed so hard my feet flipped over my head and I crashed onto my hardwood floors. When I managed to climb back up on the bed he went down on me.
The oral sex was amazing! Have you ever had oral sex so good you are moved to tears? It more than made up for his sloppy jump start. He wasn't the one trick lick kind of guy either, see when it comes to oral sex...variety is the key. So many men see it as a means to an end, a chore to just get out of the way so they can go back to the football game much like taking out the trash. But with Andy, I could tell this was something he really loved doing and I would be happy to write him a letter of recommendation any day.
Here's where things went sour. My beautifully large and often neglected breasts were battered like a chick in some Lifetime movie. I kept giving him subtle clues that I didn't particularly like what he was doing "OW!" "That hurts!" "Please stop!" but they were all ignored. He was like a child that just unwrapped his new toy and insisted on playing with it before reading the manual. Why do men NEVER read the manual or ask for directions? My poor breasts had bruises for days that triggered pain by my shirt rubbing up against them.
I know, I know. You're just like a man and you're demanding I get to the actual sex now. Enough with the foreplay already! This was the best sex of my life. He was smooth and rough in all the right places. He even did some dirty talk which was a huge turn on for me. But he talked a little too much....
While he's inside of me he starts telling me about his day, his pets, his family, his cars, his friends. Contrary to popular belief that women are natural multi-taskers, I am definitely not. So I wanted to know, why is he delivering a three act one man play while fucking me? His voice is nasally and whiny dripped in a puddle of arrogance. Then when I'm really enjoying a particular position and don't want to switch he has the nerve to call me "boring!" What woman wants to hear how boring she is while she's thrusting the life out of a man?!
Needless to say that this love affair only lasted a mere week. As much as I strongly feel there is a high importance to physical chemistry between partners, there are believe it or not, things that out way mind blowing sex. Here's my little list, in no particular order, in case any of you are curious:
1. A man who must smoke pot during the 5 mile drive from my house to Walmart where we go to pick up his asthma medication. It sounds like a contradiction, but yes he was a pot head asthmatic. ::sigh::
2. A man who openly declares all religions to be complete bullshit, insult my specific religion, and insist I'm an idiot for following one
3. While minimalism is great in theory, call me crazy but I'd like a man who has furniture in his apartment. It doesn't have to be nice furniture, but a place to plant my ass while watching a movie or even a mattress on the floor if I should sleep over will do. The one night we spent at his place I had to sleep on the living room floor underneath a blanket one of his pets had used for a chew toy. Class act all the way!
4. I get how great it is that men have the ability to pee anywhere at anytime and this must certainly come in handy on long road trips or camp outs. However, when a man pees in his backyard just cause he can while his bathroom in his house are less than 10 feet away....enough said about that one
5. Last but definitely not by any means least. While fucking someone, a man should never under any circumstances talk about any of the following: How sexually promiscuous he is, how he's fucked three of your co-workers, how he'll continue fucking multiple other women until you've given him some kind of commitment.
Andy wondered why when he asked me three times during the course of the week to be his steady girl friend I said "no". He also wondered why I ended things after only a week. And then he publicly declared on Facebook that he had no clue why he was still single...
There are some mysteries even Matlock can't solve I suppose.
Visiters
Back in the Game
I'm getting too old for this shit!
Here I am thirty years old in some Super 8 motel recovering from a night reminscient of my college days. I turn to see the naked man or should I say boy passed out next to me. Steve? Sam? Does it really even matter? I turn to the other bed and see another naked man passed out, looks like Steve but a bit older.
What the hell happened last night?! I quietly climb out of bed praying I don't wake up either man-child while I frantically search for my clothes. A skirt, a thong, a bra, a seriously low cut top. As I make my way to the bathroom, I glance over my shoulder at the evidence of a wild romp. Not bad for a thirty-year old divorcee.
The events from last night come back to me in flashes. I met up with my friend Kacie and her boyfriend Adam at their apartment in downtown Troy-let. This is where I tried E for the first and probably last time in my life. We drove to a techno club out in Saratoga while smoking copious amounts of pot...the good kind, not the trash high school kids buy but the kind where you have a dealer who still sports an old school pager.
I danced without abandon. I don't even like techno music, but the funny thing is after enough illicit drugs I guess I'm bound to like anything or anyone. There are too many people jammed in this club, I need air. On the outside porch designated for smokers I spotted him leaning against the far railing. Designer clothes, short blonde hair, looking calm and cool and collected. He looked young, real young, like they probably ID'd him when he came in here kind of young. He turned my way and we began eye fucking immediatly. Ohmygod I'm a pedafile!
Thick boston accent. His face close to mine. I smell the fresh tobacco on his warm breath. Wasn't really listening to much he said beacuse words didn't make much sense. I'm horny, it's been a while, and we both knew the score. His tongue was down my throat. He pushed me up against the wall and pulled my hair as he kissed me deeper. I massaged his rock hard cock through his pants.
"Let's get out of here", he says.
No words, all I did was nod. I'm sure Kacie and Adam will be fine.
Super 8 motel.
His older brother was there. Thick boston accent too. Threesome? Sure why the hell not? Groaning, sweating, naked bodies clumsily bumping up against one another. Someone's got my claw marks on their back. Holy shit, did we use condoms?
I scan the bathroom trash for used condoms or wrappers. Nothing. I tip toe out of the bathroom now fully clothed. Where are my shoes? My cute purple open-toe wedges. I love those shoes. Then I spot it on the younger one, the used condom still on his limp and lifeless dick. How about the other man-child? Nada. Well one out of two aint bad. Guess I'll be making my first trip to Planned Parenthood in eight years.
Almost on instinct I look in the mini fridge and spot one of my shoes. I grab my purse off the floor by the door and head out with shoe in hand. I can't very well walk with one 4 inch wedge and the other foot bare.
Whoever said that thirty was the new twenty is seriously dilluded. I am too old for this shit.
Here I am thirty years old in some Super 8 motel recovering from a night reminscient of my college days. I turn to see the naked man or should I say boy passed out next to me. Steve? Sam? Does it really even matter? I turn to the other bed and see another naked man passed out, looks like Steve but a bit older.
What the hell happened last night?! I quietly climb out of bed praying I don't wake up either man-child while I frantically search for my clothes. A skirt, a thong, a bra, a seriously low cut top. As I make my way to the bathroom, I glance over my shoulder at the evidence of a wild romp. Not bad for a thirty-year old divorcee.
The events from last night come back to me in flashes. I met up with my friend Kacie and her boyfriend Adam at their apartment in downtown Troy-let. This is where I tried E for the first and probably last time in my life. We drove to a techno club out in Saratoga while smoking copious amounts of pot...the good kind, not the trash high school kids buy but the kind where you have a dealer who still sports an old school pager.
I danced without abandon. I don't even like techno music, but the funny thing is after enough illicit drugs I guess I'm bound to like anything or anyone. There are too many people jammed in this club, I need air. On the outside porch designated for smokers I spotted him leaning against the far railing. Designer clothes, short blonde hair, looking calm and cool and collected. He looked young, real young, like they probably ID'd him when he came in here kind of young. He turned my way and we began eye fucking immediatly. Ohmygod I'm a pedafile!
Thick boston accent. His face close to mine. I smell the fresh tobacco on his warm breath. Wasn't really listening to much he said beacuse words didn't make much sense. I'm horny, it's been a while, and we both knew the score. His tongue was down my throat. He pushed me up against the wall and pulled my hair as he kissed me deeper. I massaged his rock hard cock through his pants.
"Let's get out of here", he says.
No words, all I did was nod. I'm sure Kacie and Adam will be fine.
Super 8 motel.
His older brother was there. Thick boston accent too. Threesome? Sure why the hell not? Groaning, sweating, naked bodies clumsily bumping up against one another. Someone's got my claw marks on their back. Holy shit, did we use condoms?
I scan the bathroom trash for used condoms or wrappers. Nothing. I tip toe out of the bathroom now fully clothed. Where are my shoes? My cute purple open-toe wedges. I love those shoes. Then I spot it on the younger one, the used condom still on his limp and lifeless dick. How about the other man-child? Nada. Well one out of two aint bad. Guess I'll be making my first trip to Planned Parenthood in eight years.
Almost on instinct I look in the mini fridge and spot one of my shoes. I grab my purse off the floor by the door and head out with shoe in hand. I can't very well walk with one 4 inch wedge and the other foot bare.
Whoever said that thirty was the new twenty is seriously dilluded. I am too old for this shit.
What's done is done, a burnt aspiring writer
Several months back I joined a manuscript critique group through Writer's Market. The game plan was to read each manuscript in it's entirety, give a detailed written critique and try to meet up a few times on Skype to give verbal critiques. I even went out and bought a microphone for my computer for this purpose.
By chance my manuscript happened to go last. My two "partners" received timely, detailed written and oral critiques from me. I read their pieces during my lunch breaks and my days off because I was dedicated to this group and it's purpose. When my turn came I did not get the same level of respect. They both claimed they were too busy with family events, vacations, ect...
They didn't read my piece by the deadlines we all agreed on and there was only one Skype meeting where one member was missing. One of my partners didn't give any written critique on the last section of my book because they claimed "it would just be more of the same things she already told me." Ouch! I personally don't commit to something unless I feel I can follow through. I tried chasing them down via email, but the one time they were willing to Skype I happened to be unavailable, so now I was the un-cooperative one.
I'll tell you what this did to me as a writer...I stopped writing altogether. I gave up on editing my manuscript because they made me feel like shit as a writer. Apparently my manuscript was so bad and unworthy of their time. I get that this is a harsh industry and tons of agents/publishers will probably do the same thing to me, but I didn't expect it from fellow writers. And I feel used since I gave them critiques on their pieces but never fully got one on mine.
It's been months and what's done is done. They've moved on, but I'm still hurt. I worked so hard on my manuscript and really put myself out there for them to read it and help me craft it, they just abandoned me. I don't even go on Writersmarket.com anymore either...turned off by it all. How unfortunate that two people ruined the entire experience for me.
On a side note I would like to thank Claire who was my faithful chapter exchange buddy on another manuscript until my life began to unravel around me and I gave up. Thank you for your loyalty and consistent critiques.
By chance my manuscript happened to go last. My two "partners" received timely, detailed written and oral critiques from me. I read their pieces during my lunch breaks and my days off because I was dedicated to this group and it's purpose. When my turn came I did not get the same level of respect. They both claimed they were too busy with family events, vacations, ect...
They didn't read my piece by the deadlines we all agreed on and there was only one Skype meeting where one member was missing. One of my partners didn't give any written critique on the last section of my book because they claimed "it would just be more of the same things she already told me." Ouch! I personally don't commit to something unless I feel I can follow through. I tried chasing them down via email, but the one time they were willing to Skype I happened to be unavailable, so now I was the un-cooperative one.
I'll tell you what this did to me as a writer...I stopped writing altogether. I gave up on editing my manuscript because they made me feel like shit as a writer. Apparently my manuscript was so bad and unworthy of their time. I get that this is a harsh industry and tons of agents/publishers will probably do the same thing to me, but I didn't expect it from fellow writers. And I feel used since I gave them critiques on their pieces but never fully got one on mine.
It's been months and what's done is done. They've moved on, but I'm still hurt. I worked so hard on my manuscript and really put myself out there for them to read it and help me craft it, they just abandoned me. I don't even go on Writersmarket.com anymore either...turned off by it all. How unfortunate that two people ruined the entire experience for me.
On a side note I would like to thank Claire who was my faithful chapter exchange buddy on another manuscript until my life began to unravel around me and I gave up. Thank you for your loyalty and consistent critiques.
Updates
So for those of you who have been faithfully following me, I thought I'd update you on the current projects in my life:
Employment: a week from today I start my new job as a call center customer service rep at the FABULOUS MVP Healthcare. This job is about a five minute drive from my house, benefits start first day of hire, and I'm making the most hourly that I've ever made.
Housing: It's been months since I submitted my "Deed in lieu of foreclosure" application and I have to say I feel like I'm getting jerked around here. When I initially called in to request an application the rep failed to mention that I won't even be considered unless my house is on the market, but a month after I send in my application we get a phone call regarding this. They further tell us that the house must be listed for at least 90 days. After my brother sweet talks them on my behalf they say as long as we list our house they'll work on the whole 90 day requirement because of our circumstances aka the divorce. We go For Sale By Owner and buy a package with an MLS listing, as soon as I get proof of this I fax it right over to them. I wait 3 days to follow up per their instructions and then I'm told our application has basically been sitting around collecting dust because they're missing: our 2008 tax return, 209 tax return w/ signatures, and 2 months worth of bank statements. I would like to know why no one contacted me about this or why no one mentioned it during the numerous follow-up calls I've been making? Another month has been wasted. WTF!?
I found an amazing apartment complex in Clifton Park that has everything I need and in my price range: 2 bedrooms, an eat-in kitchen, storage unit in my apartment, off street parking, good and safe neighborhood, accepts pets, and a laundry hook-up in my own apartment. I salivate at the website every day, but decided tos tep back since I can't move in until I get rid of the house and getting rid of the house is proving very difficult. The complex always ha openings, so when teh time comes it'll happen.
Romance: Last weekend Jason and I spent the entire weekend together. We did have a major blow-out, but I think that's all part of a relationship. In the end we talked things out and have a new understanding of each other. There was plenty of good home cooked food, watching movies, cuddling, and some light clean-up after wards. I look forward to when we can do it again. My gut still screams at me "He's a good man".
Divorce: Antonio, his lawyer, me, and my lawyer all met last Wednesday morning to iron out some details. Things went very smoothly and both lawyers strongly feel we'll be divorced by the end of the calender year. The benefit to that is that we can file "single" on our tax returns according to our accountant. Before I got married I always received sizable returns, but now Antonio's Ebay business eats up all my returns and we end up owing so essentially I'm paying taxes twice: mine and his. This will be nice because I could really use the money to pay some bills. Antonio's lawyer is supposed to draw up our divorce papers, my lawyer will proofread and make any amendments, then we both sign and file. This could be a couple weeks process. Then once filed it takes 30-60 days for a judge to review and approve it.
My homework assignment is to refinance my car in just my name only in an effort to further separate our mutual assets and once that is done all we have left is the damn house. Refinancing my car has not been fun either. Once the bank finally decided to give me a break I couldn't find my title, so I have to go down to DMV and re-order it. Then once it comes in the mail I'll drive up to the bank in Saratoga (about an hr away) to sign papers and be done with it.
My life has been up, it's been done, but I'm still standing.
Employment: a week from today I start my new job as a call center customer service rep at the FABULOUS MVP Healthcare. This job is about a five minute drive from my house, benefits start first day of hire, and I'm making the most hourly that I've ever made.
Housing: It's been months since I submitted my "Deed in lieu of foreclosure" application and I have to say I feel like I'm getting jerked around here. When I initially called in to request an application the rep failed to mention that I won't even be considered unless my house is on the market, but a month after I send in my application we get a phone call regarding this. They further tell us that the house must be listed for at least 90 days. After my brother sweet talks them on my behalf they say as long as we list our house they'll work on the whole 90 day requirement because of our circumstances aka the divorce. We go For Sale By Owner and buy a package with an MLS listing, as soon as I get proof of this I fax it right over to them. I wait 3 days to follow up per their instructions and then I'm told our application has basically been sitting around collecting dust because they're missing: our 2008 tax return, 209 tax return w/ signatures, and 2 months worth of bank statements. I would like to know why no one contacted me about this or why no one mentioned it during the numerous follow-up calls I've been making? Another month has been wasted. WTF!?
I found an amazing apartment complex in Clifton Park that has everything I need and in my price range: 2 bedrooms, an eat-in kitchen, storage unit in my apartment, off street parking, good and safe neighborhood, accepts pets, and a laundry hook-up in my own apartment. I salivate at the website every day, but decided tos tep back since I can't move in until I get rid of the house and getting rid of the house is proving very difficult. The complex always ha openings, so when teh time comes it'll happen.
Romance: Last weekend Jason and I spent the entire weekend together. We did have a major blow-out, but I think that's all part of a relationship. In the end we talked things out and have a new understanding of each other. There was plenty of good home cooked food, watching movies, cuddling, and some light clean-up after wards. I look forward to when we can do it again. My gut still screams at me "He's a good man".
Divorce: Antonio, his lawyer, me, and my lawyer all met last Wednesday morning to iron out some details. Things went very smoothly and both lawyers strongly feel we'll be divorced by the end of the calender year. The benefit to that is that we can file "single" on our tax returns according to our accountant. Before I got married I always received sizable returns, but now Antonio's Ebay business eats up all my returns and we end up owing so essentially I'm paying taxes twice: mine and his. This will be nice because I could really use the money to pay some bills. Antonio's lawyer is supposed to draw up our divorce papers, my lawyer will proofread and make any amendments, then we both sign and file. This could be a couple weeks process. Then once filed it takes 30-60 days for a judge to review and approve it.
My homework assignment is to refinance my car in just my name only in an effort to further separate our mutual assets and once that is done all we have left is the damn house. Refinancing my car has not been fun either. Once the bank finally decided to give me a break I couldn't find my title, so I have to go down to DMV and re-order it. Then once it comes in the mail I'll drive up to the bank in Saratoga (about an hr away) to sign papers and be done with it.
My life has been up, it's been done, but I'm still standing.
Untitled Poem
The dreams I created as a child are faded
Opportunity denied me as the pessimist battled the optimist inside me
Who am I? A shadow of myself
Spinning around in circles too dizzy I fall down
Wish someone would show me the way around
A stray puppy left out in the cold after one to many scoldings
No one beats me down better that me just check out the scars on my body
One step forward, two back as I react too another bad tune of news
I'll sing the blues off key
Happiness is a fairytale I may never know
All I have to show is that I'm still here breathing, standing, fighting
It isn't right that everything is an uphill battle
Fuck being a black sheep, I'm the damn black cattle
Tears dance down my face passed my pretty smile
The naive skeptic, sometimes it may take me a while
To realize what's the reason behind it all
Built Ford tough I get right back up after each nasty fall
Email empty, phone don't ring, home alone sitting in the dark
This time around it's a solo mission I must embark
Why am I here? To drown in each day in an ocean of fear?
Life packed in boxes, boxes collected dust
My heart, my head, my past who am I to trust?
This path is torturous
Opportunity denied me as the pessimist battled the optimist inside me
Who am I? A shadow of myself
Spinning around in circles too dizzy I fall down
Wish someone would show me the way around
A stray puppy left out in the cold after one to many scoldings
No one beats me down better that me just check out the scars on my body
One step forward, two back as I react too another bad tune of news
I'll sing the blues off key
Happiness is a fairytale I may never know
All I have to show is that I'm still here breathing, standing, fighting
It isn't right that everything is an uphill battle
Fuck being a black sheep, I'm the damn black cattle
Tears dance down my face passed my pretty smile
The naive skeptic, sometimes it may take me a while
To realize what's the reason behind it all
Built Ford tough I get right back up after each nasty fall
Email empty, phone don't ring, home alone sitting in the dark
This time around it's a solo mission I must embark
Why am I here? To drown in each day in an ocean of fear?
Life packed in boxes, boxes collected dust
My heart, my head, my past who am I to trust?
This path is torturous
Movin' On Up
Those of you who have stood by and supported me through my darkest hour, I say once again "Thank you" as things are starting to turn around.
It's official that I will be starting a new job at MVP Healthcare Mon Oct 18, 2010. I'm NOT taking a pay cut, get great benefits that start first day of hire, and the location is about 5 minutes from where I currently live. This is a company I have been trying to get into for over two years, a highly coveted employer in my area, so I feel very fortunate. There was a job fair back in August where a couple hundred people showed up for the 20-30 positions that were opened up. They chose me!
It's a call center job, which I loved, so here's hoping I'm the rock star (performance wise) at this job that I was when I worked for Blue Cross/Blue Shield. I'm hoping this is the career I've been looking for since I graduated college more than seven years ago. The company I can grow with and eventually several years down the line retire from. If I have learned anything from my past mistakes at previous jobs, this time around I plan to 1) fly under the radar to avoid ruffling any feathers 2)let the chips fall where they may
Secondly I would like to reiterate that I met a great guy. We're taking our time getting to know each other and the more I know, the more I like him. Is he perfect? Absolutely not, but he has the core ingredients to what I want in a partner: honest, affectionate, loyal, intelligent, great listener, makes me laugh/smile, and easy on the eyes. There are some things that we both need to work on, but it'll happen. Must be patient.
So piece by piece it looks like my life is slowly turning around for the better.
It's official that I will be starting a new job at MVP Healthcare Mon Oct 18, 2010. I'm NOT taking a pay cut, get great benefits that start first day of hire, and the location is about 5 minutes from where I currently live. This is a company I have been trying to get into for over two years, a highly coveted employer in my area, so I feel very fortunate. There was a job fair back in August where a couple hundred people showed up for the 20-30 positions that were opened up. They chose me!
It's a call center job, which I loved, so here's hoping I'm the rock star (performance wise) at this job that I was when I worked for Blue Cross/Blue Shield. I'm hoping this is the career I've been looking for since I graduated college more than seven years ago. The company I can grow with and eventually several years down the line retire from. If I have learned anything from my past mistakes at previous jobs, this time around I plan to 1) fly under the radar to avoid ruffling any feathers 2)let the chips fall where they may
Secondly I would like to reiterate that I met a great guy. We're taking our time getting to know each other and the more I know, the more I like him. Is he perfect? Absolutely not, but he has the core ingredients to what I want in a partner: honest, affectionate, loyal, intelligent, great listener, makes me laugh/smile, and easy on the eyes. There are some things that we both need to work on, but it'll happen. Must be patient.
So piece by piece it looks like my life is slowly turning around for the better.
Sex is...
Many things to many different people. It could be as simple as "I'm horny and I need to act out on it." Then you find random person to fulfill said need. It can be with anyone, anywhere, at anytime, and as often as is needed to get the job done. Think Samantha from Sex and The City.
For others it's a manifestation of emotions, a form of expression for how you care about someone. This can be referred to as "making love". It can be put up on such a pedestal that an individual puts confinements on this act: only once I'm married, only in a deeply committed relationship, only when I'm in love.
Other reasons might be boredom or curiosity. What's it feel like? What do they feel like? This tends to be the thought process of the inexperienced folk.
There are those who use sex as a means of manipulation to gain some power. Trophy wives, strippers, most of the characters on the original Melrose Place.
Let me make you feel good so you can do something later on that will benefit me. If you can master this, I think you're brilliant because it's not full proof and there's always some loop hole. Not everyone thinks or reacts the same...
I knew a girl in college who used sex as a way to find "love" or a "relationship". It never worked out for her though. Sex was just sex to the guys she was with and nothing more no matter how hard she tried to make it so.
How about that it just feels good? That's where I'm at. I have no problem admitting that I'm a very sexual person and as long as I'm safe and smart I don't see the problem. It's my body so therefore it's my choice what I do with it. I can easily identify with all the other reasons listed above, but in the end I'm just a woman who loves sex. What irritates me are the double standards. A man with a healthy sexual appetite is fine and dandy, but a woman with a healthy sexual appetite is a whore/slut/tramp/fill in your favorite slang here.
Well I say screw that! I'm sick of living by other people's rules, hiding in the corner avoiding their judgements. This is me. I love sex and anyone who can't handle that is probably so wound up because they aren't getting enough on their own.
About Me
- ElbieNy25
- "Scars are proof that we were brave enough to fight the battle and strong enough to survive it"-me 2008 Unfortunately/fortunately I have many scars from life, but I'm still here. I've been writing for over twenty years and just recently finished my first manuscript entitled "The Journey". I love peopl; they fascinate me with their stories, quirks, and mysterious ways.